


Crawl Home to Her

by kylosolo336



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, F/M, Has Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Lightsabers, More characters eventually, Original Character(s), Possible Spoilers, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, The Force, flirting with the darkside, possible cursing, will work on tags as I go along
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-24 19:43:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6164467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylosolo336/pseuds/kylosolo336
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren x Reader:<br/>One night, Y/N finds herself drawn to somebody she's never met before, Kylo Ren, who seems to already know her. After their first encounter, things start to get a little complicated. Neither Y/N or Kylo can keep each other out of mind, no matter how many other pressing things are happening. They find themselves at a crossroads, questioning if taking the plunge is worth risking it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

On occasion, Starkiller Base, your home after graduating from Academia, would host sector dance nights to keep the people entertained. This was especially important for the part of the population who still had souls, youth and who hadn’t yet regressed into a monotonous job in the command centre or a boring high security job of sorts. We’re all human, after all, we need this. So you decided since your work was all wrapped up for the time being that it couldn’t kill to head over for a couple hours, maybe run into some friends. Plus, there was free food, once you heard that part, going was a no-brainer. After slipping on some fun clothes, letting your h/c hair fall out of its tight ponytail, black denim jeans and a flowy white scoop shirt with sagging shoulder and low back with strings hanging across, delicate tucking along the sides, and throwing on some sleek black heels you headed out to enjoy a couple free hours to cut loose.

Upon entering, the music pounded and pulsed in your ears as you swayed and let yourself move to the rhythm. Sporadic flashes of the lights pierced the darkness, everyone who surrounded blending together into a cascade of colours, moving in synchronisation. You let yourself get taken away in the atmosphere, in the freedom of it all. As you turned around, your eyes caught the gaze of someone in the shadows, his face barely visible through the crowds of people and the flashes. Something about the palpable intensity that radiated from him upon making eye contact and the urgency of the tug in your chest, made your head spin.

Turning around once more, now solely focused on the stranger, anyone and everything else fading into the background, you saw him slowly approaching. The way he maneuvered through the throngs of people was enticing, gliding smoothly over to where you still swayed to the music that you now barely even registered. Every step he took, the shifting of his broad, strong shoulders sent shivers down your spine. There it was again, the pull to him, it was no longer the music that sent reverberations and pulses through you. He exuded a kind of power that was intimidating yet fascinating.

The space closed between you, your eyes travelling up his lean figure, lingering on his charcoal unbuttoned shirt, slim fit grey vest, finally arriving at his eyes. The dark orbs reflected the flickering lights like a masterpiece, capturing you completely, his sleek jet black hair fell in waves, nearly grazing his shoulders. His face was an elegant blend of angular, sharp and appealing features. Even so, there was a danger to him, an aura of darkness but also something else you couldn’t quite place. Whatever it was, it made you feel like sparks exploding inside of you all over, followed by a shock as a hand found its way around your waist, abruptly pulling you out of your thoughts and confusion at what it was exactly about his presence that started to slowly to consume you.

Your eyes caught his wandering over your body and then flashed up again to meet yours, as you felt his other hand reach up to brush your hair out of your eyes then the fingers caressing your cheek, making their way down to your chin gingerly, as if he was holding something incredibly delicate. The look on his face wasn’t one you could describe as anything other than wonder or raw curiosity, he looked almost, almost….

“Like I’ve seen you before.”

A voice echoed in your mind, it took you a few moments to realize, those words were not your own, and they had not been said aloud.  
Your gaze flew up to his face, your expression demanding an explanation. He searched your face, the strange curiosity now replaced with pure desire. At this moment, you felt yourself slipping away, losing control and composure, he slowly spun you around, closing the space between you, so you felt your bare back pressed to his sturdy torso. He began to sway with you, steadily and rhythmically as you responded, rotating your hips against him to match, letting go completely now. You let out a shuddering breath as he shifted your hair off your shoulder and let his lips graze your neck, taking you in and placing kisses, starting on your shoulder, and leading up gradually and sensually up the length of your neck to your ear, tugging gingerly on the lobe. You moved as one. Up and down with the sound, picking up the pace, his other hand running down your arm to your waist, holding you to him with a firm grasp, wanting every inch of you. You felt the pounding and accelerating beat of his heart, matching yours. His movements made every fiber of your being beg for more, you felt like everything was a blur, moving at light speed, like there was nothing but you and him. You found yourself being turned around once more to face him, his stunning looks hit you again like a freight train as you caught yourself wondering how many hearts had been broken by this astounding work of art in front of you.

“You’d be surprised.”

You let out a small gasp. There it was again, the voice. Deep as the ocean, husky, simultaneously mysterious, but honest. How was this even happening, one moment you were dancing by yourself in the crowd of strangers and now you’re here up close with one, you’ve oddly enough never laid eyes on, certainly you would have remembered such a face. Somehow his thoughts have managed to penetrate your own, a rather odd connection to a complete unknown, something that drew you in entirely. As strange as it was, this almost felt natural, and it wasn’t as alarming as it probably should have been. That, or you were too swept away in the entirety of the moment that none of your thoughts were processing as clearly as they usually would. Coming back to the present, you noticed on his lips there was the slightest of smirks, not arrogant but, knowing…somehow.

“Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.”  
This time it wasn’t a voice in your conscience but the words were spoken aloud, rolling off his tongue gracefully. In the very same rich, captivating tones you heard moments ago in your mind, this time the warmth of his sweet breath hit you, as you finally realized how close you had become, foreheads touching. Your eyelids fluttered as you felt this warmth run through your body. And at that moment, everything in your surroundings vanished, no longer remotely relevant. His hands snuck around to your waist once more to draw you closer still, his other hand placed carefully on the back of your neck. Closer. The movements blended together as your lips connected with his, a sweet release, everything inside you, your walls and conscience, fell down in his presence. A wash of pleasurable numbness took over, as his tongue softly swept across your lips, slipping in, wanting more. A mutual sense of hunger, desire and satisfaction overtook you both immediately, hands exploring the figure of the other in fascination and desperation.

You were so ridiculously lost in the moment now, he gripped your thigh, bringing it up to his waist and explored down your neck leaving a trail of kisses laced with longing. You let out a sigh in response to his moans as you brought his face back up to slowly melt back into a deep kiss with his tender, full lips. It felt like the most wonderful eternity between the two of you.

Throughout, you continued to feel these peculiar snippets of emotion flow through you, an explosion of glorious sensations almost like echoes. It felt strangely like there was a tether connecting his senses to yours and you were on the receiving end. You wondered if he could feel your inklings of feeling as well. Eventually, you broke apart to catch your breath, realizing many people were steadily moving out of the grand room to return to their bunkers, and met his divine eyes once more, you searched each other for a few short seconds, his hand reached up to caress your cheek and then took your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips, planting a soft kiss upon it.

“It was a pleasure making your acquaintance at last, Y/N.” He spoke most alluringly and gazed deep into your eyes with the utmost sincerity. You opened your mouth slightly to speak but remained speechless, the words were frozen on your tongue. ‘How does he know who I am? I literally met him not an hour ago,’ you thought to yourself.

“Um, yes, well it was a pleasure to meet you, um…” You struggle to summon the memory of a name. Which makes sense, seeing as he had never given you one.

“Kylo.” He replied. Interesting name, hearing it struck something in you that you couldn’t quite place your finger on.

“Kylo, right, yes. I suppose I’ll see you around then?” You asked.

He gave you a curious look again, tilting his head slightly to the side and downwards, studying you as though he was trying to memorize every single one of your features. That same eerily charming smirk made a reappearance. With a small nod, he turned on his heel, taking long powerful strides back to wherever the hell he came from in the first place. For some reason this was frustrating to you, you knew he had the upper hand here, the advantage, he knew exactly what he was doing and you hadn’t the slightest clue about yourself. A few moments passed, where you simply stood in place, feeling the ghost of his touch, contemplating all of what just happened. The lights started going out, the last one to leave, you headed out the door, wondering what exactly you just got yourself into.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N thinks back on her feelings about her night with Kylo, wherever he comes from. Also, we are introduced to a little bit of the daily life of Y/N and some friends. She discovers some fishy things are happening with a certain 'Commander Ren' and his little tantrums.

Waking up the next morning was certainly not the easiest thing you’ve ever done. Greeted by a pounding headache, you rolled out of bed slowly enough that a snail could have beaten you to it. Not even wanting to look across to your reflection in the mirror, knowing you probably looked as tired as you felt. You bee-lined to the medicine cabinet to pop a couple of painkillers. Having to push through the ache in your forehead and temples, on top of the already stressful workday, did not sound like a good time.  


After quickly washing up, you slipped on your dull grey scrubs and white sneakers, tied your hair back into a braid, and threw together a sandwich and some fruits for your lunchbreaks. You were a nurse practitioner in the infirmary on base, a job that came with perks and some downsides, as any job. The average day was majorly comprised of treating new Stormtroopers who accidentally fired their blasters at their feet on the first day of training, or engineers who got burned or shocked and every so often the victim of some obscure piece of the ship flying in their direction and grazing them from a nearby room on their way back to their bunker. Another common case was food poisoning. Not surprising at all, considering the sludge the cafeteria serves three meals a day, you discovered the consequences of eating there the hard way and quickly made friends with someone who had access to real food.  


The sights you dealt with regularly were grotesque, but seeing the injuries is much easier than being the victim, and treating patients was rewarding in the end. After all, you had been here for three years now, since graduating from nursing school back at home on Corellia, eventually you got used to it. Plus, on occasion you got to do less messy work and filled out prescriptions and worked through patient records and treatment plans. Your job came with a heavy workload, due to the fact that there wasn’t an abundance of medical staff, ironically. You would think with at least 75 patients in need of treatment coming in daily, more attention would be focused on the medical ward on base.  


Nursing wasn’t your first idea of an occupation, in the beginning, you sought become a pilot, and what better place than right at home on Corellia to learn how. You’d heard the stories about Han Solo and his ship, the Millennium Falcon, as unattractive as it appeared, and what he had been capable of and looked up to that. At the age of 18 you went off on your own to join the academy to be trained to fight in the Rebel forces. Unfortunately, after only one year, your time there was cut short due to an accident, because of which you suffered severe, nearly fatal injuries to some internal organs and were unable to return to complete your training, much to your immense dismay. After taking quite some time to heal and recover, you decided to pursue the same career path as your mother before you, and got into your nearby academia to be educated in medicine for another four years. 

And now, here you stood, 26 years old with your own bunker on Starkiller Base, where you had been located after graduation. Initially, you had accepted the position with hesitation, after having done a little research, but you needed the money and at least you had somewhere to go. You looked down at your watch and realized your shift started in 5 minutes. Frantically, you jumped up from your seat, slung your bag on your shoulder and ran right out the door. Scrambling to lock it properly, unlike the last time, after which you learned your lesson, you sprinted down the corridors to get to the infirmary, earning many a strange look from passerby.

You arrived in your exam room exactly on time, letting out a huge sigh of relief, you plopped down on your chair, which swiveled, by the way (much to your amusement). Scanning over the files and work you had set out for you, you buried your face in your hands, acknowledging how long of a day this will undoubtedly be. After a little over an hour of working the enormous pile, you heard a knock at the door through your muffled grunts of complaint.

“Come in,” you said, trying to sound as pleasant as possible to hide your annoyance from your co-workers, who didn’t deserve the storm cloud that hung over you this early.

Your young assistant-in-training Samantha entered with a pile of files with a nervous half-smile on her face as she spotted the growing mountain of paperwork already on your desk and tentatively placed her collection alongside the others. 

“Lovely,” you deadpanned, clearly dissatisfied. The blame was not to be placed on your assistant, so brushing the nagging misery aside, you asked how Samantha was doing today.

“Oh, I’m alright, just a little overwhelmed at the moment, which is actually why I came by, the paperwork was just something I was given on my way.” She finished slightly timidly. 

“What’s going on out there today?” You asked. You hadn’t been summoned so you figured things were a little calmer. 

“A pair of Stormtroopers came in a couple minutes ago with head injuries and a couple of cracked ribs, which under normal circumstances wouldn’t be that big of a deal ordinarily. But, not thirty seconds after, someone from the command centre came in with a massive burn running down his entire right arm and torso, like he was grazed by a giant flame or something, not sure what’s up with that! Also George is still vomiting all over the place and Anise is s—” she rattled off nonsense incessantly before you cut her off.

“Alright, alright, this is insanity I’m going out there to look this over myself, jeez what has come over this place?” You gathered some equipment and headed out the door and into all the commotion. You went to address one of your fellow nurses and also very close friend, Desi, who was looking flustered. Desi had graduated with you, you were both at the top of your class and luckily had been located at the same base.

“I heard all hell’s breaking loose what do you need me to do here? I’ve been told about the troopers, and the bizarre burn mark, along with George and Anise. Anything else?”

“That’s it for now, we don’t usually have this much going on so early and all at once so evidently some of the new ones are a little antsy,” she said as she motioned to Samantha, who was stressfully scrambling to gather bedpans and new IV bags. 

Desi continued, “We’ll do the burn guy first, he’s in pretty excruciating pain, I’d say.”

Hurrying over a few rooms down, you turned into the room and what you saw made you cringe. Telling some aides to grab some bandages, healing solutions and stitching equipment you knelt at the patient’s side. You recognized his face from seeing him in the cafeteria on occasion, where you had had a conversation about his adjustment to being newly placed here from another military base, and recalled his name was Chris. You had a knack for remembering these things. 

“How did this happen, where were you?” you questioned.

He grunted in pain, shifting a little to re-position himself more comfortably, well, as comfortable as you could get in his state. As he moved you could almost feel pangs of agony in yourself, like his pain radiated into you. Turning his head towards you, he replied with the anguish lacing his words.

“I was on my way to deliver a message to the General, I think I took a wrong turn and ended up in some room with a ton of circuit boards and controls,” he paused to catch his breath, wincing and continued, “Just my luck that I walked right in on Commander Ren totaling the place, before I could get out there was a flash of red light and suddenly there was this scorching pain like fire running right down my side.” 

By now he was struggling to keep explaining the situation, you thanked him and told him to relax as your aides arrived with all the things you needed to help the poor guy out. As you applied the solutions and stitched up some deep gashes you mentally ran through exactly what Chris said about what he saw before being stricken by this red flash of death thing. You remembered he mentioned a ‘Commander Ren’. Knowing all the inner-workings of the million other sectors of the ship wasn’t really your business and you didn’t have much time for all that either. You stuck to your nearby quarters, those of your friends, the fitness centre and the infirmary. So it made sense that you wouldn’t be 100% informed on all the command staff. Well, whoever this ‘Commander Ren’ was, you sure as hell weren’t about to mess with him. 

After finishing up the stitches, applying bandages and giving Chris some heavy painkillers, you told him to rest up and that you’d be around to check on him shortly. As you got up to leave, with his good arm, Chris grabbed onto your wrist gently to stop you, he whispered.

“Don’t cross him, Y/N, I heard about being cautious of the outbursts when I first came aboard but I never expected that.” He finished breathily, you nodded and gave his hand a re-assuring squeeze before moving away with Desi.

The Stormtroopers, a young pair who had already been here three times in the past month or so for different stupid training accident injuries like dropping weights or twisted ankles. Today they had coincidentally also crossed paths with this hothead Commander, odd, and were apparently flung rather aggressively against a wall somehow and sustained some cracked ribs and mild whiplash. After them, George and Anise were the least dramatic of issues to take care of, it turns out, old George’s wife Jane had snuck in some cafeteria cookies for him, claiming that the fruits we supplied patients with was ‘absolute garbage’. Big mistake, Jane, as if his stomach wasn’t suffering enough. Anise only needed some more fluids from dehydration so that wasn’t too big of a deal after all, leave it to Samantha to blow things out of proportion.

After finishing your rounds, you returned to your desk. Peace and quiet, minus the eternal pile of work, kindly placed on your workspace, you sighed and leaned back. Now that things had calmed down again, you allowed yourself to take a moment and give some attention to the thought that had been nagging in your mind for the past few hours: last night. You still couldn’t place a finger on why you hadn’t seen him before, most people who went to the dances or sector functions, you had made acquaintances with briefly at some point in the past three years. At the very least you should have remembered having seen that unforgettable face somewhere before, it seems your knack for remembering faces is underperforming a little in this situation. You pondered about the voice you heard in your head that somehow came from him, and how when it was happening it didn’t seem to seriously faze you. What were you thinking? This was some freaky stuff going on. Normal people don’t do that! Maybe you were imagining it. But it felt so real…. 

Before you could get too swept away in the thoughts, your pager sounded, indicating you’d better get back out to the infirmary. You reluctantly stood back up, stretching out your muscles, limbs stiff from partying a little too hard yesterday. Only 4 hours left, you smiled to yourself. Content with the thought that you could, for the time being, get back to your job, solving problems you actually understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, we'll see more of Kylo soon ;) Just wanted to lay a little foundation for our lovely Y/N, some background and context. Thanks so much for the postive response, I really do appreciate it, I will continue to update regularly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N and Kylo feel the after-effects of their encounter about 1 week later and discover some things about themselves, how they'll deal with them is uncertain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part 3! Things are going to start getting interesting... I'm heading away on vacation for the next week so ch.4 might be a little while but stay tuned! :)

Tossing and turning, seeking warmth even under mounds of blankets. Suddenly freezing cold to the core. Your peaceful sleep was being invaded once again, for the millionth time this week, by bombardments of feelings of grief, loneliness, confusion, anger and suffering. There was no escape from the suffocating nightmare. Vivid flashes of painful memories flew across your vision, streaks of red, figures moving in the shadows. Rejection, isolation, resentment and darkness gripped you tight and held you in place to watch the terrifying scenes take place.  


Screams of agony rang through the large chamber you stood in, through the tall windows that looked out onto a beautiful and shining city in the night light, the moon was full. You stood on marble floors, your boots covered in crimson blood, leaving trails between the lifeless bodies that were scattered and slumped over on the floor. Astonished and breathless, you spun around frantically to take it all in, you noticed your leather black gloves glistened with the blood of the slain children. Young Padawan Learners. Whatever that meant. The thought popped into your mind. You sunk to your knees, hitting the stone floor. All of this, it seemed so real, like it was happening to you. But, at the same time it was almost as if you were seeing it through a window. A window into someone else’s memories, with you placed directly in the middle of everything.  


Looking up, you suddenly found yourself in the rain in the middle of a lonely field, a strange heavy metal weapon of some sort held in your hand, vibrating and pulsing almost as if it were alive. A shadowy figure stood in the distance and you saw rocks and other objects seemingly launching themselves directly at you. Out of instinct, you raised your hand and moved it off to the side in mid-air. There was an energy moving through your veins. The next boulder hurtled itself at you and you ignited the weapon and sliced it down the middle. Unexpectedly, multiple boulders were thrown in your direction and you couldn’t control them enough, you were losing concentration. Being tugged away by thoughts of sadness, guilt, aggression seeping out of you steadily. Before you knew it there were jolts of lightning that streamed through your entire body, shocking every fiber of you. Screaming out in agonizing pain, writhing on the soaking wet, muddy ground, the last thing you heard before awakening abruptly were the harsh words of the figure in the shadows, “As long as you hold onto the light you will forever be weak. You will never amount to what he once was. Let the darkness in completely or not at all.”  


Bolting upright, flustered and breathing heavy, sweat streamed down your face mixed with fresh tears. You kicked the blankets off your bed, suddenly unbearably uncomfortable in your own skin. Trying to get your thoughts straight, you stumbled to the washroom, slamming the door behind you. Twisting the tap and splashing water onto your face you tried to calm down. What just happened? Those memories were not your own, you had never been subjected to such horrid things. You made the movements, you felt every ache and resurgence of sorrow and conflict like the feelings belonged to you, weighing you down. However, the images were so distorted with pieces missing left, right and centre that it was felt almost as if you were getting a direct feed cutting out from someone else’s nightmare.  


Taking deep breaths, in and out, in and out until your heart rate returned to somewhere somewhat normal. You wondered how you were supposed to sleep after that. Swiping your finger across your data pad, you noticed it was only 3 in the morning. Still a while to go yet, you thought tiredly. The remnants of the powerful foreign sentiments were starting to trickle out of their system, hopefully back to wherever they came from. That was certainly an experience you didn’t want to relive. Shuffling through the dark of your bunker you plopped yourself back in bed. Staring up at the ceiling, desperate to sleep but so afraid to re-encounter the nightmare. Eventually, much later, your body gave into exhaustion and it was smooth sailing for the rest of the night.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


Training for the duration of the day apparently wasn’t enough to send him into a peaceful enough sleep tonight. Usually the strain of exercising his use of the Force on top of the weight of commanding the ship and everything else on his mind constantly exhausted him profoundly. But now, he found himself in a steady state of unrest as he lay in bed. It was a pounding headache, the pulsing increasingly aggravating in his skull. It felt like something was trying to escape and another was trying to push its way in. Under any other normal circumstance more than a week ago, he would have attributed the aching to over-exertion and left it at that. However, as of late this had been happening more regularly, this was something that could not be so easily brushed aside.  


About half a week ago it had grown to be too much, not only did these pains persist when he was at rest but when he trained, when he was giving orders and performing his duties. The pain interfered so severely with his thinking and concentration that he simply lost it, the pent up rage and frustration causing nearby equipment, and employees to sustain some damage. It was all so overwhelming and he couldn’t seem to get rid of this nagging feeling that he couldn’t explain. He would occasionally receive images in his mind that were completely foreign, from a stranger’s perspective and certainly not intercepted from a simple passerby, there was no fear in the thoughts of this person unlike those who found themselves in his presence.  


And now, as he lay here, the tugging was relentless, seizing the few moments of peace, quiet and solitude he had in his life. Eventually, he slipped away to sleep, gratefully. The gratitude however, was short-lived. His subconscious was overtaken by the pain of long ago, memories that threatened to send him into complete madness so often he was being torn apart inside. The conflict, the inner wars and the confusion of his youth. The night at the Jedi Temple, the Padawans--by the time he left that dark, obscure place-- all dead and gone. His doing entirely. Trying to prove something. That memory was there to stay, feet firmly planted.  


Flash forward to the beginning of his training, after embracing the power of the dark side. He stood in the pouring rain, learning how to channel his anger into his connection with the Force, exploring his feelings in an entirely new way. But his thoughts of his past, Ben Solo, he thought with bitter resentment, often interfered with his concentration in the beginning of his righteous training. Unlike how strong he had become, he knew not how to block off the pull to the light. Admittedly, he still felt slivers of it on occasion, no matter how hard he tries to repress it. But soon, he would rid himself of that pain. He would be unbreakable. The final boulder crashed and he felt the electricity running violently through him, once more.  


Deciding this was more than enough torment, he focused on stepping back and withdrawing from this memory. Kylo Ren opened his eyes, still disoriented from the resurgence of the memories but focused enough to build up some form of defence. The intruding pulse in his mind, the ongoing pain still tangible, he visualized building a wall stopping the entrance of any more intrusions, shielding his thoughts from the chaos that attacked him. These torments were his and his alone, and with the strong presence he felt on the other end of the tether of his consciousness, he knew whatever it was that was catalysing this pain most certainly needed to be cut off. Building brick by brick in his conscience, the pounding calmed slightly. Never completing the wall, energy slipping away, being half-cognizant that there was something intriguing about it he didn’t quite want to let escape, he hoped it would be enough to allow him a few hours of rest and peace before returning to the havoc on base the following day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a surprise ;) Let's just say this chapter gets the ball rolling a little...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaacckk! Happy to finally write this one up, very excited to see what comes of the events of this chapter and I hope you guys are too :)

Once again, you woke up to a pounding headache, accompanied by nausea. This pain no longer surprised you, as it had been present for nearly a week, every morning without fail. Snapshots of the strange nightmare from two nights ago continued to make short reappearances sporadically as you got yourself ready for the long work day ahead of you. Flashes of red and screams piercing your ears bombarded your mind as you brushed your teeth, with the rumbles of storm clouds and visions of the unfamiliar faces of innocent, broken children in the pouring rain. You shook your head to send away the lingering images. Last night hadn’t featured the petrifying and immersive scenes of massacres, flying rocks and shifting shadows, much to your liking. However, you had been blessed instead with an overall feeling of sheer discomfort and uneasiness, like a constant shadow hanging over you as you lay awake in bed for several hours, twisting and turning before you finally gave in to pure exhaustion. Basically it was similar to the night previous, minus the graphic scenes and noises. 

As you rifled through your bags, drawers and the medicine cabinet for more painkillers, you quickly realized you must have burned through them all, for they were nowhere to be found. Slamming your fist onto the wood cabinet where you rested your forehead, you groaned in frustration, this whole ordeal was seriously getting on your nerves and you had no idea how to fix it. At the three-morning-straight mark, with the commencement of the non-stop stomach churning, you began to rack your brain for every possible explanation but there was seemingly nothing, your rest had been fine prior, your diet was more than satisfactory, regular stress levels didn’t exceed an overwhelming amount. No medications or any valid solutions seemed to really work for more than a painfully short period of time and had little to no real effect. Thankfully, all of this managed to calm down around lunch time so you only suffered for a few hours, although the beginnings were absolutely excruciating, much like right now. 

You stepped out of the washroom and once again slipped on the dreadfully dull clothes. On the upside, it’s not like you had to wear those heavy, awful trooper uniforms and that blasted helmet. You were learning to appreciate what you had to wear after the discovery of these lovely headaches. Looking over at your alarm clock, you realized you had 10 minutes to get to the infirmary. Scooping up your bag you headed out quietly, lightly closing the door behind you to minimize the sharp pangs of agony that threatened to pierce through your skull at the slightest noise. 

The walk to the infirmary early in the morning was typically quite peaceful, as it is now. There was no sound, apart from the shuffling of your feet in the hallway and the steady humming of the engines that had eventually become white noise. You turned the corner into the medical wing and made your way down the hallways, saying hello to the other nurses and Desi and Samantha. Looking around, you noticed there wasn’t nearly as much going on as there was a couple days ago, when Chris and those god damned Storm troopers, who were sent to their bunkers for bed rest…again, were in. Yesterday was fairly normal, as was today much to your relief. 

You swung your door open to find the stack of paper, still unfinished but slowly sinking into a pile that was manageable enough. Things weren’t all that bad. Sitting down in your chair and turning on your pager, you noticed something on your desk that wasn’t there before, a small container of painkillers. Brand new, they didn’t belong to you because you had most certainly cleaned out yours already and these weren’t a brand you had tried, oddly. You remembered, the only thing on your desk last night was the paperwork. You hadn’t told anyone about the headaches and the nausea because it really wasn’t anyone’s business and there was never a shortage of actual patients to deal with, so you kept it to yourself. Plus, it was mainly just a morning thing anyway. You decided that trying to come up with an explanation was too much work at the moment and that somebody maybe left it by accident, so without further hesitation you took a couple. With a sigh of relief, you headed out to do what needed to be done outside, hoping this morning might go relatively smoothly, for a change. 

By your lunch break, you felt as though the aches that plagued you early in the morning had never arrived. The usual stress of tending to everybody for a few hours was tough in itself so obviously you were tired. Other than that, there wasn’t any additional weight on you. With an hour to relax and grab some food, you decided to take a little stroll around the medical sector. Things were as they always were. People being rolled around in wheelchairs, making their way around on crutches, chowing down at the small cafeteria (not wise), or just going about their business. In all honesty, there weren’t many new sights to see that were drastically different from what went on every other day. So for some peculiar reason, today you decided that it wasn’t enough for you and it had officially grown much too monotone to be wasting your free time there. It was time for a little adventure.

What you had in mind wasn't the sort of adventure where you stole a tie-fighter and zoomed the hell out of this place, or tried to tame a Rathtar, however you considered taking your stroll into slightly more unfamiliar territory on base.The command sector wasn’t somewhere you had been before. Ever. And it wasn’t somewhere your presence was ever and will ever be requested. Your job was to stay in the plain grey and white walls of the medical wing and treat hurt people. But today, you felt like some form of expanding your horizons and knowledge of the place you had been living in for years without question, was necessary. So, boldly taking a left turn instead of right, you made your way through some halls that branched off into simple engine control and power circuit rooms, along with some maintenance supply areas. You continued moving in the general direction of where you assumed your new territory for exploration likely was. There were definitely many more windows than you were used to, looking out to the pitch black sky, peppered with stars and occasionally small planets, as you went along. 

Eventually, there were some bunker doors on either side of you, lining the walls of the low lit silvery steel halls, large beams stretching across the ceiling as the floor beneath you turned from plain black tiles, into metal grates. Below you, there were wheels and motors spinning and clanking and your feet shook the grates with each step. Admittedly, you were starting to feel slightly apprehensive about this decision and the path it took you down, but you decided to power through. You began to pass by officers, guards, and higher concentrations of Stormtroopers and you tried not to let their stone cold glares get to you as you tried to continue as casually as you could through the place you weren’t really supposed to ever be. Thankfully, no one actually stopped you, or questioned you, or dragged you into some godforsaken interrogation chamber…yet. So that was a plus.

Starting to get seriously freaked out and about to turn and go back, acknowledging this was more than enough stress for today’s exploration, you felt a strange tug in your mind. Looking up, you briefly saw rows of technicians and people working away frantically at their monitors and speaking into their headsets. ‘Command centre’, you thought nervously. You suddenly tuned into the sound of ships taking off from the nearby hangar. The hangar was not visible, but definitely very close to where you were. Feeling the tug again in your mind, you glanced slightly to your right as a tall figure, ominously dressed in all black from the hood, cowl and cloak that stretched down to the floor, emerged from a doorway off to the side. He stood not thirty feet in front of you and everything about him exuded menace, darkness and tension. He finished speaking with whoever it was on the other side of the doorframe as the door slid closed and turned his head quickly in your direction over his shoulder. 

You felt that nagging pulsation you grew so accustomed to when you woke in the mornings. The feeling that consumed you and ran through your body, the ache in your temples as your breath caught in your throat. Not from pain but from surprise, from sudden recognition. It was the strangest of sensations, your mind felt the presence of something you knew, a familiarity in this figure. It was impossible to make out a face or definitive features other than the towering frame, for every inch of him was covered in black cloaks and armour. His face shielded by a glinting silver mask, so frightening and sinister concealing any and all expression, with slits where his eyes would be. All angles of the mask suggesting danger lied underneath. 

The most terrifying part of it all, truthfully, wasn’t his armour or the dark tones or the cloak, but it was how you felt that scared you. It was the fact that you couldn’t see his eyes or any part of him, yet you sensed some connection to the man who lied underneath, his aura. It was that some surreal, alien part of you knew exactly who he was, even without the slightest hint to his appearance. Standing in front of him was like having the answer to a trivial question on the tip of your tongue that you learned long ago, but not being able to recall it entirely to speak it. At long last you took a moment to step back into yourself and return from your never-ending vortex of thoughts to realize…you’d been staring. Strangely, he hadn’t budged in that time you had become momentarily lost. As you focused back on him, he turned to face you straight on, broad shoulders aligning as he positioned himself parallel to you. It was no longer a question as to what he was looking at, it was possible he had overlooked you and been concentrated on some object in the distance. You almost wish he had completely neglected your presence because this man was sending shivers down your spine, even if part of you felt oddly intrigued. But now it was certain his gaze was trained on you alone. Even if you couldn’t see his eyes, you knew they bore straight into you, making you feel so unbearably exposed. 

You took shaky breaths, trying to keep a steady gaze straight forward to his mask. His helmet tilted down, giving you a sort of once over, although painfully slowly, examining every part of you and then returned back to staring directly at you. You saw the slightest shake of his head, he seemed to be coming back into himself from far away thoughts. Finally, he decided that was enough torture for the time being, slowly turned on his heel and strode down the hallway in long steps. Before you knew it, he turned the corner into a branch off the command room and disappeared without as much as a glance back.

You felt thoroughly cold, taking deep breaths to calm yourself and to try and remain grounded. You sprinted back where you came from, through each of those ominous halls and bunkers, feet slamming now on the grate floors, earning many a strange look from passerby who meant absolutely nothing at the moment, you rushed until you reached the familiarity of a washroom across from the medical wing entrance. Forcefully shutting the stall door behind you, you sunk down against the wall and caught your breath, eyes firmly shut, you tried to block everything out. Your sweaty palms and fingers raked through your hair, bringing your knees up to bury your face. You tried so incredibly hard to bury these feelings until you just let go, letting out shouts and cries, pounding on the door. 

His essence and being coursed through you, maintaining constant contact, ceasing to let you go. The pounding and pulsing never stopped, flashes of the nightmares and the grief and suffering ran frantically in front of your eyes as you kicked the side of the stall, with not the slightest care as to how strange this must all sound from the outside. Next thing you know, the toilet paper dispenser was hanging on by a hinge, the flush button was smashed to bits and pieces and there were dents in the stainless steel stall doors. You couldn’t even recall the external results of the whole fit because you had been so occupied with trying to get the unbearable, nagging throb out of your head, the visions and the strange feelings that haven’t really left you for the past week. After looking over yourself in the mirror and fixing your hair, you decided you looked acceptable enough to return to the infirmary to let someone know you wouldn’t be returning to finish out the day. And how could you have? For some bizarre reason, this encounter with the cloaked figure sent you off the edge and all this madness flying around inside you was far too much to get through the next 9 hours. After letting one of the other nurses know you had felt too sick to continue during lunch, you gathered your things, snatching the sacred pill container off the desk and hoped to make it back to your bunker without running into anybody else or destroying more inanimate objects. 

Finally somehow making it back to your home, you threw your bags to the ground, grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and made sure to change into some much more comfortable sweats. Plopping down on the bed aggressively you rolled over and swathed yourself in your blankets and tried to hide from all the chaos. Now that you were as snug as you could possibly get, the pulsing became a little more subtle, allowing you some breathing room. About half an hour passed and your mind wandered calmly, now completely exhausted from all that mental turmoil you had to endure. You skimmed over your confusion, conflicting thoughts about why the aching increased so exponentially around the menacing figure in the hall, why he seemed so interested in you, why you felt so strangely intrigued by him, and why he felt so familiar. The certainty that you really did know him and that he was in some way significant to these feelings you were having were the last inklings of thought you had before you finally drifted off.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a surprise. Not giving anything away. Read on and you'll see what happens ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters back to back!! Crazy stuff. Anyway, here ya go, things are heating up :)

Last night was shockingly much more restful in comparison to the previous six. You were certain yesterday’s experiences would lead to the apex of agony. Tidal waves of relief washed over you as you woke up and prepared yourself for the day, confused at the sudden break from the aching but more than willing to simply roll with it. After returning from the kitchen where you grabbed some breakfast, you noticed a slip of paper on your bedside table that you must have completely missed when you had gotten out of bed. Picking it up, you clued into the fact that nobody had access to your bunker and when you received messages, they were usually from messenger droids requesting you pick up an extra shift at the infirmary. So, it was bizarre that a note would appear on your bedside table overnight. Brushing the thoughts aside, you turned the slip over to read the scrawled handwriting, not machine printed, unlike every other message you normally received. On the paper, addressed to you, read a few simple words.

‘Y/N,   
Meet me in control room 159C this evening at 21 00 hours.  
K.R.’

“K.R. Who the hell is K.R? What kind of sketchbag sends a cryptic message like that?” you said to yourself, confusedly.

You scanned your brain, trying to remember having met someone with those initials, surely whoever wrote this couldn’t have been a complete stranger. You must be having a total brain fart. You skimmed over the note again and your gaze landed on the initials, suddenly you flashed back to the conversation you had with Chris about his injury. He spoke about a ‘Commander Ren’ and how you should hope to never encounter him. You remembered the tall, foreboding and authoritative figure in the hall, who you had the most terrifying stare-off ever with yesterday near the command centre, he didn’t much look like someone you would go out on a picnic with either. 

All of a sudden, a rush of recognition slammed into you and you felt again the familiar pull to the dark stranger and how you had felt precisely the same thing towards the one at the dance last week…Kylo. Not just a general attraction but a true pull to what lay inside him and who he truly was. The aura that emanated from them both. All at once, the name and the face popped into the forefront of your mind.

“Kylo Ren,” you whispered to yourself. Kylo Ren. You pretty much felt your mind explode at that moment as the realization set in that the mysterious new guy you ran into at the dance was the very same Commander Ren Chris cautioned you about so sincerely. You weren’t quite sure what to feel, so many emotions ran around your head in circles. Intrigue, fear, confusion, panic and astonishment all bundled into one. Under normal circumstances, after meeting a rather charming guy at the dance you would hope that he would follow up and express interest in seeing you again. Although, perhaps not by sneaking into your room overnight and putting a weird note on your table. In this case, the guy was the mega dangerous, tantrum-riddled commander of the entire ship, who sliced open someone’s entire side and significantly injured armed Storm troopers because he was pissed off at something. Something about the first impression he gave off as the all-powerful commander didn’t exactly scream romance. 

You realized you had sunk down onto the bed, all this uncertainty like a giant weight pulling you down. You had so many questions, how was a man capable of that violence just as easily capable of softening into your touch and letting go? Why would a man of his stature be hanging around at a dance just for kicks? Was meeting with you that first night a tactic of manipulation of some sort? How were you even still in one piece after coming across him…twice? And now he writes you notes, requesting to meet him in some obscure room at night time? You couldn’t remember a time you had felt this conflicted and torn about a person. All the facts and terrible things that were inflicted on people in his wake should have pushed you away immediately but there was something about him that called out to you.

It was that unspoken connection and tether between you that made you think that maybe there was something about his actions and initial impressions that wasn’t entirely reflective of him as a whole. A lightness, perhaps. His violence was not a manifestation of pure hatred, but instead the constant wrestling with the clashing emotions inside of him, much like what you were feeling yourself. It was shocking how easily you managed just now to come up with an explanation for his multiple facets, but the rationalizations seemed to come naturally. Maybe it was due to the fact that was he was potentially feeling wasn’t entirely foreign to you. And that this depth you felt in him had reverberated into you more than just during your face-to-face encounters, but overnight in the nightmares.

It was all starting to come together. And now, he had decided to call out to you, because seemingly, he had put all the pieces together and was led to you. It was possible he was feeling something similar and he identified you as significant. You no longer saw this whole note thing as creepy but more as a path to a solution. Maybe by talking to this Kylo Ren, you could figure out exactly what was up with the nightmares, the headaches and all the other effects you’d been feeling since the night of the dance, you could figure out who he really was.

Having come to the conclusion that you would meet with him tonight, you realized you were late to work. Not a couple minutes late, but about fifteen. You rushed to gather your things, throwing your hair up messily and bolted to the infirmary. You arrived there and were met with many a scornful look from some doctors and you noticed Desi was trying to suppress a laugh, likely because of how ridiculous you probably looked. Once everything was settled and you emerged from your office, you walked over to pick up your equipment and files and met with Desi at a patient’s bedside. 

“Stayed out a little late last night, eh?” Desi chuckled, glancing up to you briefly before returning to reading over the file. You laughed nervously, still shaken somewhat from the note fiasco. 

“Didn’t realize how little time I had to get ready this morning, just uh…missed the alarm, I guess,” you answered her, trying to keep an even tone. 

“Well, happens to the best of us! This week’s been pretty busy so I can totally relate. Almost felt like too much to handle,” she said humorously. 

Desi continued to ramble on about irrelevant details concerning the nonsense some random teenagers were getting into that landed them in the infirmary late last night, you were only really half listening as you continued walking down the halls with Desi. You let your feet do the work because your mind certainly wasn’t there, it was wandering somewhere far away, fiddling with thoughts of Kylo Ren and the note, and potential outcomes of this evening.

At some point, Samantha came along and asked you a question about bone densities or something like that. To which you replied with absent nod of your head and a quiet ‘hmm’. Not really acknowledging exactly what she was talking about. Samantha left awkwardly, distracted by something else that came up on her data pad and left you to continue following Desi, still fretting silently about your upcoming meeting.

“Hey is something up with you? You seem a little off today.” Desi asked, her tone concerned.

“Hmm? Me? Oh yeah, I’m fine, just a little distracted, probably just tired.” You answered, adding in a little yawn. 

“Are you sure? Because Samantha just came over and rambled to you about Andrew’s bone densities, not leaving out a single detail and asked you who she should assign him to and where they could be found and you just nodded and kept walking, so obviously there’s something going on in there.” She finished, poking her finger at your forehead. 

You weren’t especially inclined to spill the beans on what was going on with Kylo Ren, cryptically leaving notes at your bedside after dancing with you and then promptly launching Storm troopers through the wall, so you left it as a simple, “I think I’m probably just coming down with something,” attributing it to spending hours each day in a hotbed for sick people as reasoning enough for your behaviour. 

The remainder of the day went by in a blur. Nothing especially stressful popped up in the infirmary, no freak accidents or deaths. Thankfully, your wandering thoughts didn’t interfere with your work and treatments, you were pretty good at compartmentalizing these things when you got busy with something and weren’t just idly sitting around. The end of your shift arrived, so you shut down your computer, switched off the lights, pushed in your chair and walked out of the infirmary. You were determined to get back to your bunker with minimal interaction or distractions, other than picking some more food up at your secret spot. 

One of your other colleagues from school back home, Marcus, worked at the cafeteria with meal preparation. He was about as enthusiastic about the meals they served there as you were, so the two of you had set up a little shared closet in the very back of the kitchens. You two had arranged that you could sneak in and grab some real fruits, treats and smaller meals to bring home that didn’t make you want to throw up, that him and some of his friends prepared and preserved in their spare time for others like you. This was all given to you in exchange for some materials that you could smuggle out of the infirmary from time to time, like much warmer blankets, comfier pillows and equipment for Marcus and his friends to build little contraptions with when they got bored. It was all really an under the table trade system you had going on for sector goods. The base didn’t really provide luxuries for the entire population, outside of command and the Generals’ and Lieutenants’ quarters, but the specialty goods that were given to each sector were often shared among others.

You slid the card Marcus had given you to access the secret room and filled up some bags of food so you could make yourself semi-adequate meals for the next week or so and luckily didn’t run into anyone you had to speak to on the way back home. Shutting the door behind you, you looked at the time and realized you still had about two hours to go until your little meet up. You grabbed a muffin from the food bag, poured some water and stir-fried some vegetables on the stove, trying to pick away at dinner. Finding that your worries and internal commotion prevented you from working up much of an appetite, you finished the water, ate about half the muffin and a few vegetables, putting the remainder away for a later time. 

Waiting for the two hours to run out was like when you had to trudge to work back on Corellia for what seemed like ages through the muddy plains after a rainstorm. You tried to read your book but soon realized that you had been reading the same paragraph 15 times over without absorbing anything, you took a shower, hoping to decompress as much as you could. This didn’t help as much as it normally would, it just plain left you cold and soaking wet. So in the end you simply resorted to lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, trying to clear your mind, which was virtually impossible but worth a try. Eventually, the time to leave comes around, you had changed into some black jeans and a tight navy V-neck t-shirt with your h/c hair in a braid running down your back, you slipped on some boots and headed out to meet the commander, praying that he had a good day today. 

You counted the doorways of the smaller control board rooms as you slowly walked down the dark halls. It was in the same direction as where you had decided to take your little stroll yesterday, but not quite as close to the grinding metal engines and fans and grate floors. 158D, 159A, 159B…159C. Perfect, you thought apprehensively. The door lacked any form of key card mechanism, so you walked through and it slid open for you. Instinctively, you jumped as you saw some metal beams and a mop propped up against the wall that looked like a person in the shadows. You let out a sigh of relief when you realized you were alone. It was exactly 21 00 hours and he hadn’t yet arrived. You were certain someone with his stature would probably be very punctual, but then again he was the commander of the base, he could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. 

You slid down against a wall, sitting cross-legged, fiddling with some stray wires and a box of new circuit boards for about 15 minutes. Starting to consider that he was going to be a no-show, part of you was relieved and thankful, but another part of you was slightly disappointed, you had wanted to see what would come of the meeting. The room was beginning to look a little eerie, the only source of light being the little pinpricks of light from the buttons and switches on the boards and one reading-lamp shining light on some operation manuals on a nearby table. The tight spaced room wasn’t exactly ideal for claustrophobes, but you supposed it was suitable enough for its purposes. 

You were about to stand up and leave, he’d had 15 minutes to get here, it was probably just some stupid prank, not even Commander Ren. Some kid making up fake initials and using an obscure location, leading you to over-analyze the whole situation and become seriously paranoid. The opening of the door was swift, it slid open and at first you couldn’t see anyone, the sudden light was blinding. Your eyes adjusted and some bulbs on the ceiling lit up as the dark figure stepped inside. ‘Why didn’t they turn on like that for me? Not fair.’ you thought to yourself. But that wasn’t all that important. What was important, was the fact that he was here. He stood towering above you in your seated position, his shadow looming over you, you scrambled to stand. Even at your full height he was still over a head taller than you, his general presence was frightening enough, why did he have to be so tall? You silently hoped this wouldn’t be another terrifyingly awkward staring contest. 

You felt a ringing in your ears and a tug in your chest as he took a step closer to you. Your breath hitched in your throat, he was so overwhelming just being around. As he stepped closer to you slowly, he held your arm surprisingly gently in his grasp. At the contact, floods of emotions and images from the nightmares flashed through you and all of a sudden you truly felt him. Not as if you were on the receiving ends of his thoughts, but as though he was in your head, your every thought broadcast straight to him. Your gaze shot up to the cold, empty slits of his silvery mask where his eyes should be and although you couldn’t see his eyes, the dark orbs you remembered from the night you first met, you knew that they searched you with intense interest. 

You maintained your gaze, not sure how you felt about him rummaging around your head. On one hand, you really had nothing to hide, it was true that you had been working on piecing together who he was and reasoning why you felt such things radiating from him and that you had been struggling with the effects of his presence and subconscious. None of this was any secret, but at the same time, the thoughts were yours, and it should be at your discretion alone that they should be verbalized. Out of nowhere, something deep inside you started putting up a little resistance and pushing right back. This was your mind and he had no right to be fishing around in there! What kind of game was he playing at? Your jaw clenched and eyes narrowed in concentration as you worked to push harder until he backed off. Not long after you started, you felt him falter and take a step back, evidently he wasn’t expecting a fight. 

You caught your breath, and after a few moments of silence, he breathed out. His mask altering the sound that passed through it, making him sound more machine than man, deeper and very intimidating but captivating. ‘His normal voice already does the trick on its own,’ you thought, not to yourself, apparently. Because this time a small chuckle reverberated through the mask, chills ran through your bones, and then he finally spoke. 

“Y/N, what a pleasure it is to meet you again.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N and Kylo have a little chat about recent events. Questions are answered, but many still hang in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this was so exciting :) couldn't wait to finally get them together and actually talk. Next chapter in a couple days! Enjoy.

“Same to you.” You replied quietly, you were still shocked by his sudden entrance. You shook yourself, the reality of what just happened setting in. “What was that?” You asked in wonder, slightly irked actually, that he had barged into your mind like that. 

“I have matters that require an immediate answer and I was led to you to find them. I realize that some discussion on the subject is now in order.” He replied, disgruntled.

“Well you sure bet some discussion’s in order, because I have some questions too, Commander.” You added with a hint of revulsion, Kylo’s alter ego wasn’t making the best first impression on you tonight. 

The two of you stood in silence for a few moments, incredibly close in the tight broom closet of a control room. You were beginning to wonder if the room itself was indeed that tiny, or if it was just your new company that was making you feel suddenly claustrophobic.

Furthermore, why did he want to meet in such a place? Certainly there must have been more sophisticated, open options on board. Anywhere else was beginning to feel better than here. 

“I know who you are under that mask, I don’t see why you feel you need to hide.” You straightened and met his gaze, well, as close as you could estimate to where it was. You were no mouse, just because he put on his scary mask and dark-as-night get-up doesn’t mean you’ll shy away. 

“I have my reasons.” He replied simply, clearly not willing to elaborate. 

There was a long pause, these were becoming a trend now between the two of you. Strangely, they weren’t as uncomfortable as one might think. They allowed you time to take him in, to think and feel. 

The forceful jolt of energy that passed between you when he first entered had calmed to a dull hum, like the ship’s engines beneath your feet. Only, so much more pure, truly alive like a steady line that permitted you to sense short spurts of his emotion and tones of thought. Never complete words, but every time you encountered, you felt the line strengthening. It wasn’t frightening as much as it was fascinating, to let his energy course through you and to know he felt yours course through him, whether he liked it or not. 

“I see you’ve had much on your mind as of late.” His low, distorted voice pulled you out of your thoughts. 

“What I’ve had on my mind is none of your business, it’s in my mind. I don’t much appreciate you fishing around in there, I have enough prob-”  
You cut yourself off, still not sure how comfortable you were with every word that crossed your mind being available to him, and still not entirely trusting of him. 

He studies you carefully, his head tilted slightly to the side, almost as if in question. You let him study you, lost in thought. You knew you couldn’t read him as easily as he you, so you awaited a reaction. 

‘Well if he’s just going to stand there silently, taking his sweet time, might as well take the stupid helmet off, it’s probably boiling hot in there with that temper,’ you thought to yourself…or not, you felt a light pressure on your temples. 

“That is not what I wished to discuss.” He retorted, you could detect some annoyance through the vibrations of his modulator.   
You took a deep breath, trying to clear your mind, you really didn’t want anything slipping out by accident out of anxiety in this situation.

”What did you come here to discuss then?” You asked, he was right, this was enough waiting. You had questions and he had stated that he did too, so let’s get on with it. He took a small step forward, causing you to tense just a touch. 

“How have you been feeling?” He asked, some genuine sincerity laced his tone. You had expected something darker and more serious, but no, he drags you to the undignified broom closet to talk about your feelings. 

“You tell me, I don’t even have to speak anym-” He cut you off before you could finish sassing him out of irritation.   
“Answer the question, I don’t have time for your incessant rambling.”

You decided there was no use lying to him, it wouldn’t do you any good. After all, the debilitating headaches, visions and strange connection tended to spike whenever you encountered him. Telling him might do you some good. 

“Okay, well, not a hundred percent. I’ve been getting these terrible headaches and nausea every morning for the past week or so. They fade away a few hours after I wake up. Nothing really seemed to help until this random container appeared on my desk and those seemed to do the trick.”

You stopped when you heard him cough lightly as he shifted his weight slightly to the side, not looking as intimidating as he did before. Maybe you were just getting used to him. You looked up to his should-be face, unsure if you should continue to talk about the visions.

“Carry on.” He said, clearly onto the fact that there was more to hear so, with some hesitation, you did.

“At night, I get these strange nightmares. I saw the same things for three nights straight, even though I myself hadn’t experienced them before. It seemed as though I was watching through someone else’s eyes and that they weren’t simply bits of imagination, but true memories.” You finished, shuddering at the gruesome thought of the of the slain children, the rain storm, the grief and conflict. 

As you spoke the last words, you noticed he had turned away abruptly, back facing you. A hand raised up over top his head where his hair would be under the helmet. You heard heavier breathing, stressed. Instinctively, you stepped forward, cautiously, not wanting to get too close, but curious of his sudden reaction. 

“What did you see? In the visions, what did you see?” He said, clearly in a panic of some sort but still trying to conceal it. For reasons you didn’t understand.   
Not wanting to get him all distressed and in a fuss, you proceeded to tell him exactly what you saw. Remembering what he did the last time to people who were at the wrong place at the wrong time, you made quick work of it, launching into detail.

“It starts with some sort of bloody massacre, in a place with black marble floors, and windows all around, a domed roof. There are slain children all around me and it’s their blood I see pooling on the ground and covering my boots and gloves. But it’s not only the picture I can sense, it’s the feelings that come with it, hatred, anger and fear.” 

His head turned just over his shoulder, he listens intently, you feel his gaze searing through the mask directly at you, desperate for more. This intensity is really starting to freak you out, you’re still confused as to why he’s so alarmed by this but you continue, in hopes to get some answers perhaps. 

“The scene turns into a rainstorm, dark cloudy skies and lightning coming down. There are these boulders launching themselves at me from all over. I’m somehow able to move them away in mid-air. This odd, glowing saber-like weapon glows in my hands and I slice through the boulders. I begin to miss some and I feel this shock gripping me and these sparks coursing through my veins, like I’m on fire, but it’s not from the lightning. I hear an echoing voice, a figure drifts by in the shadows, and talks about a darkness and never amounting to something.”

He remains still and quiet for several moments. During each of which you become steadily more anxious. Praying silently he won’t lash out at you irrationally for telling the whole truth, you feel your breath catch in your throat, now more nervous than ever as he begins to shift and pace in the space he has to brood. His shoulders raise and he becomes rigid, fists clenching at his sides, one hovering dangerously close to the weapon at his belt. Much to your relief, he soon relaxes and you hear him release a long exhale. He turns slowly to you.

“Anything else?” He asks, exasperation and tension evident in his voice. 

“That’s where it ends. No more, no less. Just the crippling headaches and nausea from then on.” You reply plainly, trying to keep calm. 

“Very well,” he responds, “I have one more thing to ask.” Your brows furrow, not entirely sure you want to hear what comes next, not having the faintest clue where this is about to go.

“Yes?” You almost whisper. ‘Deep breaths,’ you think, ‘deep breaths.’ 

“How was it that you found yourself by the command centre recently?” He inquires. He didn’t sound overly menacing, just curious. 

“Um, well, I was uh…” You weren’t sure how to tell him in a way that wouldn’t set him off, that you just wanted to play explorer for the day, so you wandered over to the most exclusive sector of the entire base for fun. His body turned to you completely, awaiting an explanation, so you continued.

“I was on my lunch break and I sort of wanted to get out of the same old walking area that I’ve seen millions of times over, so I took my walk a little further out of the sector and got a little lost and, by accident, ended up here…I mean there, the command centre.” You stumbled over your words, not enthusiastic to hear about the consequences that may follow. 

“You’re leaving something out. You can’t just walk into Command ‘by accident’. It requires some amount of directional sense.” He retorted, a hint of mocking in his voice. ‘Interesting’, you thought, ‘I’ve seen this before.’ For a split second, his tone reminded you of how he spoke when you first met. The endearing, teasing voice he had after you had danced together that night and he had introduced himself. Back in the days when you could see his actual face. 

“Look Ren, I-” Well, shit. You stopped yourself, but not before you accidentally let the name slip. You looked up at him fearfully. He tensed visibly, but not too much. Before he could react, you quickly picked up where you left off, careful to watch your words from this point forward.

“I had never been to Command in my four years here and I am being brutally honest with you, I had absolutely no idea where to find it. One moment I was walking with white walls around me, no windows, then the floor under my feet turned to grates and I looked up, saw Command… and saw you.”

“And how did you feel as your feet mysteriously ended up carrying you there?” He sounded like he was taunting you a bit, like a child, but at the same time it seemed like he wanted to know what you felt. Seeing no reason to start lying now, you answered him.

“In all honesty, I felt drawn there by a force I can’t explain.” A small huff escapes the mask, almost like an ever so subtle chuckle. 

“Interesting.” He said, cocking his head to the side like you were a rare specimen of some sort to him. “Thank you for meeting with me, Y/N. I have found the answers I seek, I must be leaving now.” He said shortly, completely switching lanes as he took a step towards the door.

Before he could leave and you could stop yourself, some part of you decided two could play at the friendly interrogation game.

“Kylo.” You addressed him with a newfound certainty, stopping him in his tracks. He turned to face you, taking a slow step back in your direction. “We’re not done yet.” You still had questions, it was your turn now. He let out a small hum, and nodded at you to continue, reluctantly. Clearly he was used to getting what he wanted and leaving. Not this time.

“I’m curious. Why would someone with your authority, find yourself at a lowly, commoner sector dance. Shouldn’t you have had Commander work of some sort to take care of?” Your eyes narrowed and awaited a response. It was a fair question, he had asked something similar of you. You decided to leave the others for another day, you had to tread somewhat lightly with this one.

You couldn’t believe your ears, the all-powerful, dark Commander Ren of the First Order laughed. Nothing over the top for him that conveyed more than minimal enjoyment of the situation, but significant enough to make you smirk a little. 

“Much like you, something drew me there, some force I have seldom felt before recent days. A pull I could not explain or rationalize. I followed it and ended up there coincidentally that night.” He cleared his throat and straightened. He regained the serious, cold, superior, composure in the blink of an eye, like his response was a temporary relapse into some buried away personable side of him. 

“I must be going, I have matters to attend to now that my concerns have been resolved. Thank you for your presence.” 

And just as suddenly as he had arrived, he was gone. You were left alone in the circuit room, it felt slightly larger once more. The desk lamp and the circuit board pinpricks the only other life besides you. You became conscious of your tense shoulders and held breath. Releasing the tension with a long exhale you tucked your hair behind your ear, turned and walked out the door to return back home. 

As you walked, you remembered you still had questions left unanswered. How does the strange metaphysical connection between the two of you work? Who were the children in the dream? What tragedy had happened there? What was that glowing sword in the dream and who was the voice? These were inquiries you of course had no intention of asking tonight. Feeling like you pushed just enough and no more than you should have, you were satisfied for the time being. 

But as you rounded the corner to approach your bunker, the one nagging, burning question remained in your mind: Why did the mention of the nightmares elicit such a strong reaction in him? You experienced the weight and troubling feelings radiating from him but it must have been too serious for him to elaborate and you weren’t putting your life on the line to ask, not today.

You unlocked the door to your bunker with a yawn and got ready for bed. Too tired to shower you slid into the covers and passed out within minutes, into a dreamless sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV: current matters are explained from the other side. Kylo has a lot of things on his mind and not a lot of time or space to sort them out. Say hello to some of our other friends from the First Order :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready for some Kylo's POV?? Well you better be, because I wrote this one a little longer than usual but there's lots to know! Next chapter up in a couple days :)

Kneeling before the towering image of Supreme Leader Snoke, within the vast stone-walled chamber, Kylo tried desperately to centre himself, to concentrate on reigning in all trains of thought, to reach a state of order within his mind. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t pull himself away from the internal quarrel taking place within him.   
The thoughts of Y/N had pervaded his mind even more incessantly, if that was possible, since last night’s meeting. He had had so many questions prior to making her acquaintance the night of the sector dance, before he really knew who she was and they remain unanswered still. He wondered-

“Quiet your mind, Ren.” The echo of Snoke’s warning filled the chamber, irritation in his voice.

Kylo breathed in and out slowly, trying to reach some form of tranquility. He was approaching silence in his mind until he began to wander further and further away gradually from focus. He wondered how this bond is capable of being this strong already, with minimal real encounters. He was lost at how the force could be so incredibly present in somebody who seemed to have come from nowhere. Then of course there was the matter of her experiencing his night terrors so vividly. Technically, she shouldn’t have had access to anything more than brief feelings of their connection when they were close in proxim-

“Ren!” Snoke’s voice billowed through the cave, penetrating Kylo’s thoughts, likely reaching the outside corridors. “Your concentration has been progressively waning as of late. I am beginning to question your ability to take the leading position in the upcoming task.” He growled, so much distaste in his voice made Ren’s stomach turn.

“I apologize, Supreme Leader. I realize my mind has not been as fixed on the task at hand as it should be. By the grace of your training, I will not be distracted.” Ren’s voice shook slightly as he uttered the last words. 

“We shall see.” Snoke replied with disdain. Kylo sensed the disappointment in him, a crippling sense that would normally set him straight immediately. However, recently he has felt more disconnected than ever before from Snoke’s constant presence, his guidance during training. 

He knows he really should be heeding Supreme Leader’s words but he was so far gone, today especially, that nothing seemed to really reach him. The urgency of being prepared and mentally centred for the upcoming raid, the importance of maintaining his position as the head of the operation and proving he is worthy of being the apprentice of the Supreme Leader. All of it faded as though they were trivial nuisances.

“I sense conflict in you, Ren. It remains to be seen if this turmoil will be a sufficient device to fuel you, or if you’ll require some alternative methods of motivation.” At this, Kylo’s gaze shot up to meet Snoke’s, instantly fearful. “We are finished our training for today.” The Supreme Leader continued exasperatedly, “I suggest you return tomorrow when you are able to gather your thoughts effectively, else I will reconsider arrangements for the mission.” He finished with the looming threat of the consequences Kylo’s distracted conscience may earn him.

Kylo bowed his head to Snoke, taking shallow, shaky breaths as he made his way down the extensive path out into the corridor. He quickened his pace and made sure to reach his quarters as rapidly as possible so as not to encounter anybody along the way. 

Once inside, he extended his arm to forcefully launch a chair at the far window, the chair noisily falling to pieces. He had the glass windows replaced for more durable plastic for a reason. Lightbulbs short circuiting and bursting into sparks immediately after. He slid down against the wall, burying his face in his hands, shuddering, fingers pushing his hair back. His frustration at being sent away by Supreme Leader quickly waned as his curious thoughts picked up where they left off.

This girl was able to infiltrate more than what a normal bond could allow at this stage. He wondered how they could have been bonded in the first place. He was certain he had never felt her presence on the other end of the line in his life. This was strange, considering typically with force bonds, if you shared one with another force-sensitive, the connection would bring you together much sooner than when he had met Y/N. He doubted she understood fully what was going on between them, but what was really concerning him was what she could to with something she couldn’t understand. She shouldn’t have been able to push back when he entered her mind, she couldn’t have built up a defense that strong.

At some point, Kylo had gotten up and had begun pacing the room. ‘Why can’t I get rid of this feeling?’ he asked himself, thoroughly confused as to why this girl was so severely invading his conscience that he could no longer remain focused during training. Training was somewhere he could forget all the external problems on base that did not involve his progression and development in the ways of the dark side. Yet, the concerns and questions he had about her would not cease to pull him away from the concentration he needed to maintain his position with the Supreme Leader.

He was more than well aware that Snoke had been observant of every misstep and falter in his training recently and that he wasn’t lying when he’d threatened to revoke his leadership in the raid. The thought of losing that because of his wandering mind worried him greatly. It was almost as if the questions he had about Y/N and the urgency to impress Snoke were constantly battling, vying for the spot at the forefront of his mind, which had previously been solely occupied by the latter. 

The force bond and it presence within Y/N calling out to him, wasn’t something that wanted to be pushed aside, Kylo realized that quickly. The night of the meeting in the control room, Kylo had begun to build up a stronger defense in his mind, so as to prevent her mind from unknowingly entering his. He couldn’t have her being as aware of his subconscious as she had been previously, so he had shut her out for the time being. The past couple of days he had continued to build up the mental fortress to numb himself from the bond as much as possible, with some success. He had other pressing matters to attend to and the pull of the bond would only jeopardize what he strove to achieve in the mission. Progress, respect, reputation and worth in the eyes of the Supreme Leader. He could let none of this stand in his way. 

After brooding and contemplating the stresses both of these matters were causing, he drew himself back to present time. He suddenly realized he ought to be grateful that Snoke had not heard exactly what was on his mind. Supreme Leader knew there was a disturbance, but Kylo did not believe that he knew the details. Normally, if Kylo was found to be off balance with his focus, it would be because of matters that did in fact concern his training or his responsibilities. If this was the case, then Kylo felt like he could divulge what was on his mind, to get past it. This time however, was different.

If Supreme Leader discovered the thoughts that now betrayed concentration on the task at hand… he didn’t even want to think about what may transpire. For being distracted by another person irrelevant to the mission, a woman he was taking some form of interest in at that, the punishments would be severe and the consequences unimaginable. Not only that, but it was the fact that he wouldn’t be the only one getting hurt, she would also be caught in the mix. Supreme Leader would proceed in doing one of two things, pursuing the force-sensitivity within her and bringing her into training, or ending her life immediately.

Kylo became cognizant of the fact that he had absolutely no desire to have either of those things happen, whatsoever. The less Snoke knew about Y/N, the better. Kylo quickly realized, he had never really been bothered with being concerned for someone else like this. Whatever impeded the progress of the First Order and Snoke’s commands, were always dealt with by any means necessary. But, for the first time, he felt a sense of genuine protectiveness over someone other than himself. 

He tried to attribute it to not wanting to lose someone so inadvertently in touch with the force, but something in the back of his mind whispered that there was something more than that. He began to recognize that he couldn’t afford the bond to be severed for other, unselfish reasons. He shook himself out of his thoughts, needing something else to think about, he remembered he still conveniently had a meeting scheduled soon with General Hux and Phasma. He changed into more suitable attire than his training clothes. Putting on his mask and cowl, he left the room, desperate to seek out something else to keep him busy. 

He strode through the halls, grateful that his confusion and lack of mental strength at the moment wasn’t manifesting itself on the outside. Passerby still tensed, visibly frightened when he walked through the corridors and entered rooms. He found amusement in this, intimidation was key in asserting his power on the ship. But then again, so was level-headedness and focus, not something he was incredibly proficient at as of late.

He continued making his way to the meeting room where he was to discuss an upcoming mission a squadron of Storm troopers were being sent out to take care of. Hux and Phasma were butting heads again with their ideas about approaching the situation, concerning attack strategies and preparation. It was a petty argument really, but apparently they thought it merited an entire Command meeting. 

The doors slid open in front of him. He had arrived a few minutes early so the only people who sat around the table were Hux, Phasma and two lieutenants. They all nodded to acknowledge his presence.

“Ren. Who knew you were capable of showing up on time to a crucial meeting? Earlier than start time, even?” Hux sneered, obviously trying to aggravate him before he even sat down, typical. 

If Kylo didn’t have the mask, the daggers he aimed at Hux in his stare would have been easily visible. Not in the mood for his childish games, he retorted.  
“Who knew your attempts at antagonizing could be so petty? I seem to recall the last time we met with Supreme Leader you couldn’t manage to collect your bearings. Nervous?” snarling at the arrogant scum he was fortunate enough to work alongside on a daily basis. The rest of the table was starting to take their seats.

“I really don’t beli-” Hux started before Phasma cut him off abruptly.

“Ahem, gentlemen I am under the impression we are not meeting here for a cat fight. It appears the required representatives are here to settle the matter of the squadron operation. Therefore, we shall begin.”

Hux glared at Phasma, then shot a glowering look across at Ren and then bowed his head, shamefully. Kylo had taken his seat with a smug grin under the mask. ‘Finally,’ he thought to himself, ‘something I know how to deal with.’ Much to Kylo’s pleasure, Phasma started off the meeting as opposed to Hux, making the opening statements and mentioning briefly the matters to be discussed. 

“Squadron TY is prepared to take the responsibility of carrying out the mission and have been trained specifically to complete the task diplomatically with minimal disturbance so as not to draw an excess of attention.” At this remark, she made a pointed look at Hux, who sat a few seats to the right of her at the long, rectangular glass conference table. 

“However my methods of acquiring the information from the source on Iridonia have been approached with some dissent. Others believe it to be beneficial to take a more…forceful and rather obnoxious stance.” She prodded, provoking Hux to argue his point. 

Kylo, under normal circumstances would have rolled his eyes and checked out, focusing on something entirely unrelated until he finished babbling. However, this is exactly what he hoped to steer clear of this time around. So, he listened intently, patiently seeking an opportunity to interject and mess with Hux. 

“What we require of the squadron is purely force. We have been in conflict with the Iridonian officials for far too long and subtle, calm gestures of diplomacy are not what we should be using to attain what we will come for. Squadron TY has been trained efficiently enough, I suppose, for such purposes, for relatively simple negotiations. This mission requires specialities of a different sort. We need to be prepared to command the information we require and not show hesitation or lenience. My righteous belief is that a squadron of different sorts is in order to make the appropriate approach for the purpose. I suggest looking elsewhere for more suitable candidates.” Hux finished, likely expecting a response of unanimous agreement among the officials. Kylo decided that wasn’t about to happen today, not while he could say anything about it.

“Captain Phasma’s soldiers have been trained to perform a wider range of tasks than I hear your privates in Command are suited to.”   
Kylo wasn’t always a supporter of Hux’s unnecessarily brutal methods of acquiring information and truthfully he was over-inflating the situation. Approaching the meeting with the Iridonian representatives discourteously with raised weapons and death threats would only dig the First Order a deeper hole. 

He recalled the last time Hux’s troops were sent to deal with matters and over half of them returned on the ship dead because they refused to settle for the more than satisfactory deal they were offered. This was on a meeting on Bespin a few months ago and Hux was too prideful of his men that he refused to admit the incident had happened, to more than the people who he was mandated to tell. Kylo absolutely had to bring this up, there couldn’t have been a more convenient time. 

Hux had started to object, “Ren, my troops have prov-”

“Proven to obviously be capable of returning from a simple negotiation on Bespin with half the numbers they left with? I must agree with you there, General.” Kylo said smugly.

Confused looks from the lower ranked officials shot around to each other in all directions, alarmed voices questioned if anybody else knew about this event. Before things could get too out of hand in the commotion Kylo had started, Phasma raised her voice to interject and regain control. 

“Silence! This matter is not one to be discussed at this time and was meant to be kept confidential,” she glared pointedly at Kylo. “What is important now is that we select the proper squadron for the job.”

Clearly satisfied with his contributions, Kylo leaned back in his seat. He had said what he thought about the situation, and then some. The decision really wasn’t his to make, but he was here due to the fact that actually being present in some raids with the Order was part of his responsibility. Most of the time he led missions with the Knights of Ren, a group that dealt with more pressing, immediate, less political matters. He tuned in to most of what the other lieutenants and officials were saying, getting a general idea that Phasma would very likely win this fight against that nuisance, thanks to him. 

Everything was proceeding smoothly until unexpectedly, Kylo’s vision started to fade, melding with images of somewhere different, unfamiliar. No matter how hard he fought it, he was taken away to a new scene. The infirmary? He had only been there a handful of times to discuss matters with injured members of Command, done the business and left, he hadn’t built strong enough memories there to be having visions. He soon realized that this was no memory, this was very real, although it wasn’t his present reality, and it belonged to somebody else. Y/N. Her name popped into his mind. 

He seemed to be watching the world through her eyes, she bent down to adjust a patient’s blanket, he heard the steady sound of the flat-line on the vital machine. Y/N unhooked the IV bag from the stand and extracted the needle from his arm. The man who lay lifeless on the cot looked to be quite old, probably 90 years of age. As he watched from her perspective, he couldn’t feel what she felt in her hands, or the shifting of her feet on the tile floors, but he felt a single tear trickle down her cheek before she wiped it away. He heard her voice speaking to other people in her environment in his ears, it was muffled but he could still hear the conversations. Pure sadness struck him in the heart, she felt pain, which meant so would he. He never met this man, but Y/N’s reaction explained plainly that he meant something to her. This must have been what she was talking about when she told him about the nightmare memories. 

Connection with her was the last thing he needed right now, this was what he was trying to avoid, and hoped desperately but doubtfully that she couldn’t feel his presence. He started trying to pull away from her reality and back into his and with enough willpower he was grateful that he was able to. As he became more attuned to his surroundings, he heard a voice addressing him, Phasma. 

“Ren, did you hear anything I just asked you?” Phasma inquired impatiently. 

“Probably can’t hear properly through that ridiculous apparatus.” Hux remarked, met by Kylo’s burning glare. Too shaken and disoriented to respond, he was just trying to re-enter his body. 

“I apologize, Captain. My mind was on unrelated matters. Would you mind repeating yourself?” he responded, slowly at first. She paused and looked at him with slight annoyance but he also read some form of concern in her eyes. This wasn’t the first time this week she had caught him wandering. 

She asked him if he was in agreement with letting one of her other squadrons handle the mission, which was readily able to put up a strong defense against conflict, but also much more savvy in negotiation tactics than Hux’s men. 

Kylo made quick work of expressing his agreement. Phasma and Hux concluded the meeting, making sure the procedure was clear to everyone involved and the meeting dispersed. Leaving only Kylo, Phasma and Hux who gathered his things to leave, but not without a snide remark.

“Well at least I pay attention when I need to. Clearly Snoke despite his grandeur hasn’t taught you well enough to do that.” He stalked out of the room, much to Kylo’s gratitude. He didn’t care what Hux had to say, especially not now. 

When he and Phasma were left alone, he had not yet stood from his seat, muscles feeling slightly weak. He leaned forward on his elbows, feeling suffocated, and with the hiss of the helmet’s removal, let out a shaky exhale. Across the table, Phasma studied him carefully. She knew when something was off with him. They had been true allies to one another since Kylo had come aboard the ship, he trusted her as she did him. He had let himself lose composure around her in faith that she was one of the few people he knew who could understand, as unapproachable as she appeared on the exterior. 

“What’s on your mind, Ren?” she asked.

Her question was met with silence while Kylo tried to gather himself. He didn’t realize he was sweating at first, but droplets now ran down the side of his face. He looked across to her, raising his head slowly. Not sure exactly how to put into words what he was feeling.

“This hasn’t been the first time you’ve been somewhere else this week. Is it Snoke? Hux sure as hell never gets to you like this.” She waited patiently for a response. Pressure never works well with him.

“I’ve… I’ve been having these…visions,” Kylo started, wanting to phrase this in a way she could understand. “And, these senses, that aren’t familiar to me. I’ve heard that sometimes, when you have a deep enough connection with somebody, it manifests itself as a force bond. A tether between you and this other individual. It allows you to feel what they feel, and as I’m discovering now, you may see what they see. It is almost as if, at times, you become one with the force and each other.” He finished, not exactly sure how to proceed and hoping not to accidentally get too caught up in the moment and divulge too much. 

Phasma nodded, “So this other person, you’ve met them? Do they understand this bond? Have there been conversations about it?”

“We briefly talked about it two nights ago. She said she’s been seeing my nightmares and feeling my emotion but I don’t believe she understands fully what this is. And Snoke knows… he knows I’ve been sidetracked. But I can’t let him find out, I can’t because if he knows everything the consequences will be unspeakable. And I fear…” he hesitated.

“Go on,” Phasma said quietly. 

“I fear she may come in danger’s path if I let something slip.” Phasma leaned back in her chair, eyes closed, trying to process the situation. 

“What do you plan to do about it?” Phasma questioned.

“I meant to shut her out, to disconnect myself from the bond and to distance myself as much as possible, for being around her strengthens the pull, but it seems my efforts have not yet proven to subdue the connection for very long. The mission’s in three days and I cannot have this as a distraction.” 

“All I can suggest is that you continue with your plan and your efforts, try to focus on the task at hand. I will do everything in my power to get you through this, Ren. I will be there. I know how much this means to you.”

Kylo met her trusting eyes and nodded gratefully to her. Deciding he was ready to stand, he raised himself slowly out of his chair and grabbed his helmet, placing it back on his head.

“Thank you, Captain.” His mechanical, distorted voice came through the mask.

“Take care of yourself, Commander.” Phasma replied. Kylo nodded and turned on his heel to return to his quarters. 

He made his way back, thankfully without being stopped. Standing now beside his bed, he contemplated that the only way he could be certain to distance himself from the influence of the bond long enough to complete the mission successfully was to avoid encountering her at all costs. 

He came to the conclusion that for the next two days, he would limit himself to training with Snoke, frequenting Command and remaining in the confines of his quarters to control his thoughts. This would allow him the strength he needed to get through the mission and convince Snoke he was worthy of leadership and his attention.   
Suddenly exhausted at all the conflict in his mind, his weary thoughts concluded that he would work on staving off the thoughts of her and the bond to the best of his ability, ‘To avoid losing my master’s approval.’ he thought, but knowing that wasn’t the only reason why.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N's just going about her business when something unexpected happens, which leads her to seek out some answers, meeting somebody significant along the way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tadaaa! Happy Easter to everybody celebrating! Returning back to Y/N's POV now, Kylo's a little busy. Enjoy :)

The past few nights have been peaceful and the work days relatively simple and manageable. Since your meeting with Kylo, you hadn’t experienced any more of those dreadful nightmares and you hadn’t been feeling as severe of a pull as you had been prior. You wondered if maybe having real communication with him sated the force between you, maybe it had calmed it a little? 

Anyway, words couldn’t express how grateful you were to be able to wake up without the stabbing pain behind your eyes and get through the entire work day without issue. However, a part of you seemed to feel so far away. Almost as if there was a faded light where the now weaker and quiet bond would normally occupy boisterously. You weren’t missing the aches, but the lack of presence made you uncomfortable. 

You pushed these thoughts to the back burner because there were other matters to tend to at the infirmary that day. You made your rounds in the emergency wing, checked in on all the longer term patients, where everybody seemed to be faring well. Making some beds, replacing IV bags, writing up reports and prescriptions, you felt alright. That is, until you arrived in Hall C.

Your feet had stopped moving down the aisle on their own when you came to the bed you spent hours beside six days ago. The bed where one of your oldest patients, Anthony had resided and passed on, in front of your own eyes. Anthony had been battling a serious pulmonary infection and at his age, it was unlikely he would have been able to fight it off, no matter what treatments he was given. 

You knew his time was coming around soon, but nothing could have prepared you for the sadness that overtook you when his eyes closed one last time. You had always made sure to stop by his bed every single day to talk with him. He was a lonely man, his wife Corinna had passed a few months back from a brain tumor and his children were grown and occupied with jobs elsewhere, in far-away systems.

You would come talk to him, giving him messages from his children and telling him all the drama and goings-on on base that he always loved to hear. He made sure to ask you how your life was, how the day was going, he was a genuinely caring man. The two of you had developed a friendship during his eight months at the infirmary. Needless to say, his passing really struck you, watching him go sent sharp pangs of sadness straight to your heart. It had been no accident, you avoiding Hall C for the past few days.

You remembered the last discussion you had with him, the day before he left. He had been reminiscing the good memories he had with his wife, so long ago, telling you all about the little things he treasured about her. In a tired, almost whispering voice, he spoke words that stuck out to you now. 

“Y/N, in my time there’s one distinct thing I’ve truly learned and have never forgotten, and you must remember this too. Just because I could tell you her middle name, or what kind of songs she liked, that doesn’t mean anything. That’s not a connection, anyone can have that. Really knowing someone is something else. It’s a completely different thing. And when it happens, you won’t be able to miss it. You’ll be aware. And you won’t be hurt or be afraid.” 

Sitting on the edge of the bed, you grabbed a handful of the blanket in your hand, and raised it up to your face, burying yourself in the warmth. Emotion came flooding through you as you remembered his words and longed to someday feel what he had described to you. Setting down the blanket, you patted it back in place and stood up. Giving the bed one last look, you walked away before the tears could escape. 

You eventually made your way back to the emergency hall, having received a summoning from your pager. Desi came over to you and filled you in on what needed to be taken care of. It was simply a young girl, twelve years of age with a high fever and a couple of beds down a younger boy who had slipped and sprained his wrist. ‘No big deal,’ you thought, smiling to yourself. You needed something to keep you busy now. 

Fetching some medications to help lower the girl’s temperature and some bandages to wrap up the boy’s wrist, you returned and sat next to the girl and her mother to explain the treatment, administering the medication and supplying her with a cold towel to cool her forehead. You walked over to the boy and held his wrist gently in your hands, assessing the damage and looking over the printed x-ray. 

Suddenly, you felt a razor sharp split in your side, causing you to double over, sending the bandage roll to the ground along with the x-ray sliding across the floor. Your hand hovering over the source of the pain, not wanting to make contact, it hurt far too much. 

“Hey are you okay, nurse Y/N?” the boy asked, scared at your sudden movement.

Your face contorted in pain, your shuddering breaths agonizing, eyes scrunched shut. You nodded, looking up at him, confusion written all over his face, trying to appear re-assuring for a split second. You felt a gentle hand on your back, rubbing circles trying to help you calm down. You heard a voice speak in your ear, Desi. 

“Hey, you alright? Tell me what’s going on, what is it?” Desi sounded thoroughly panicky, it probably looked like all your ribs were spontaneously cracking, from an outside view. You struggled to get out a few words before hissing in pain.

“I’m fine, it’s my side. Stabbing, like a blade. Digging in…” 

“Okay okay okay, just try deep breaths, can you move to the bed? Just a couple steps back.” She referred to the empty cot behind you, you nodded quickly, eyes still shut. You sat on the edge, your side contracting again. You felt Desi lift your shirt, exposing the skin just below your ribcage on your left side to see if there were any external indications of what was happening. Nothing. 

She started asking you a bunch of questions that you half-listened to and responded with quick yes and no’s. Her voice started to fade out and your vision became cloudy, you saw visions of chaos pass in front of your eyes, blasters firing, aircraft flying overhead, smoky skies. The vision cut out and you felt your back hit the cot beneath you as everything went black. 

When you began to come to your senses, you discovered the agony had subsided, bit by bit until you were left only with a dull ache, a light throb at the back of your head as your eyes opened slowly. You looked to your right arm where there was an IV inserted. You felt much better than you had before, certainly not in need of that thing. You looked at the needle with resentment as you slid it out, bandaging the insertion spot. You got up slowly, the pain in your side nearly gone now.

“Are you okay now, nurse Y/N? It looked like it really hurt.” The little boy was concerned. You gave him a small smile. 

“I’m fine, no need to worry about me. How’s that old wrist doing?” you asked, examining the job someone else had taken on in wrapping it. ‘Hmm. I could have done sooo much better.’ You thought to yourself, your bandaging technique would have been done with much more finesse than whoever had taken over here. 

“A little sore, but I’ll be okay.” The boy grinned up at you. 

“Good man.” You patted his shoulder, looking up at the clock you realized it was your lunch along with Desi and Samantha’s. You made your way slowly over to the break room, as you entered Desi shot out of her seat like a rocket. Samantha dropped her sandwich on the table. 

“Woah, hold up there, you should not be walking around. Nuh uh.” Desi sped over to take your shoulders and turn you back to the bed, but you held your ground. 

“I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt anymore, honest,” you reassured her, “Would I lie to you?” You asked as she sent you a distrustful look.

“Yeah actually, you would! This hasn’t been the first time you said you were ‘fine’ and clearly weren’t even close.” She replied anxiously.

“I’m okay, Desi. Trust me, please.” You made sure to look straight into her eyes to prove you were being truthful.  
Apprehensively, she dropped her hands and gestured for you to join them at the table. You sat with Samantha, Desi and a couple other slightly older nurses, Jess and Siobhan. 

Samantha offered you an apple which you took gratefully, as you munched on it, you thought about the strange vision you saw before blacking out. It looked like a war zone, very graphic and vivid. You hadn’t really picked up on the familiar voice you heard before the vision ended, but now it rang in your ears. They weren’t just words, it was a name… your name. Y/N. You took a sharp intake of breath as the concerned looks of everyone at the table landed on you.

“You okay? What was that?” Desi asked, worried. You cleared your throat before answering, you needed an answer, fast.

“Um, oh nothing, just choked on a bit of apple, some got caught in my throat. Carry on.” You said with a little smile. 

They all nodded and continued to have their discussion. The voice you heard, you knew immediately it belonged to Kylo. The scene you saw briefly in front of you was what he saw, or a memory of his, you didn’t really know for sure. If your little episode back there was any indication, you needed to find him. It was unusual to go for days on end with nearly nothing, no feeling at all and to suddenly get bombarded by all this. 

You excused yourself from the table, you needed answers. Figuring since you had pretty much no idea who he was before this whole connection thing started happening, other nurses like you wouldn’t likely know him either. You decided maybe some higher-ups might know who he was.

Much to your dismay, after asking some other doctors and supervisors, you discovered that nobody seemed to know enough about Command, or the people who worked there, to tell you where he was. 

You had about half an hour left until you had to get back to your shift from break, so you decided to ask someone who was definitely more likely to know. You exited the infirmary wing doors and went on a search for a Stormtrooper. 

You felt especially bold right then, so you made your way over to where you knew some of them frequented, a place relatively within your zone of familiarity. They were mainly there as messengers or for general security but you knew that one of them must know where their Commander is. Whether or not they would help you was a different question. You would usually see small groups of them roaming around in branch 78L where you found yourself now.

You kept walking, keeping an eye out and suddenly one rounded the corner. He/she was very tall and instead of the standard white gear, this one wore a shiny platinum silver armour and carried a massive blaster across the chest. Under normal circumstances, you would have found yourself too afraid to ask this new model of trooper the time of day, much less where the leader of the entire base was, but this was certainly not a normal circumstance. 

Possibly about to make the biggest mistake of your life thus far, you approached the ultra-trooper where he/she stood, checking their data pad against the wall, clearing your throat to draw attention to yourself.

“Excuse me,” as you spoke, the helmet shot up to stare you down, likely either pegging you as a threat, or some unworthy commoner scum. 

“What is it you want, doctor?” you heard the surprisingly feminine voice through the helmet, the muffled distortion reminded you a little of someone else you knew. Anyway, she had mistakenly thought of you as a doctor. No complaints there, you needed every advantage. You bowed your head slightly, out of respect and continued.

“I um… I have some matters in need of addressing with Commander Ren. I was wondering if it was possible to locate him or find some method of communication.”

“What requires discussion? Surely it cannot be so confidential.” This frightened you momentarily, you needed a damn good excuse, this wasn’t some newbie trooper you had stumbled upon.

“Well, it concerns the wellbeing of some higher officers under his command who have been diagnosed with some very serious chemical poisoning, I assume from a recent mission. Their abilities to return and serve are questionable and our staff feels the matter needs to be discussed.” 

“I see.” The ultra-trooper replied. ‘I see’ the way she said it, isn’t usually a good sign when you’re trying to lie to somebody. Not being able to see her expression wasn’t doing you any favours. Obviously doubtful, but not about to pursue a discussion with a lowly peasant which she probably thought of you as, she assured you the message would be passed on.

“I thank you for your concern, the message will be delivered appropriately.” She nodded in your direction. Just as you thought you were done and started to release the breath you didn’t realize you were holding in, she turned back to you.

“Commander Ren is currently on a mission, he is likely to return later this evening or tomorrow… If you have any further concerns, a messenger droid would be an available method to…further communicate. My name is Captain Phasma.” She said, a little less hostility in her tone, she almost seemed relatively personable for a split-second. 

“My name is Y/N.” You bowed your head to her in thankfulness, trying to repress a smile. You were still in one piece and you got what you came for.   
She nodded and left to do whatever she needed to do, once she disappeared around the corner, you turned to return to the infirmary. 

‘So he was away on a mission, which would explain what I saw…and why I haven’t been feeling much of him.’ You thought to yourself. Happy to have come to some form of resolve with what had been happening. Once you arrived back at the infirmary, you were able to approach the next six hours with a clear mind, getting everything done with no difficulty at all. 

The end of the day rolled around, you grabbed your bag, said your goodnights to everyone still around and left for your bunker. You had made some steamed vegetables and heated some meat wraps from the secret food room, fresh made today. Changing into some pajamas and settling in, you wanted to make sure your bag was ready for tomorrow so a ton of repacking wasn’t necessary in the morning. You always brought an extra set of scrubs, your toothbrush and some other hygiene things in case you had to pick up some extra time. 

As you rifled through, you noticed you must have left your scrubs on your desk when you had been searching for something at the bottom of the bag this afternoon. Rubbing your eyes, you realized those were your last clean pair, so you would have to run back and get them now. Still in your pajamas, a grey V-neck and navy with white striped shorts, you dragged your tired feet out the door and walked back to the infirmary. It was getting late, you had to be up in 6 hours, and this really wasn’t what you wanted to be bothered with tonight.

Nobody was really around, no doctors, nurses or patients. It was late and you typically only had daytime patients who were in for a few hours, in and out, in this wing of the infirmary by your office. You saw your door at the end of the hall, as you walked you thought you heard a drawer being opened, or a bed being shifted, or something of the like. 

You stopped in your tracks to hear the strange noises better. As you did, you heard a metal tray drop to the floor and somebody quietly exclaim, ‘shit!’ It was probably just somebody trying to clean up a bedside. The noise was on your way to your office, you got closer and just as you passed the curtain, you saw who was there.

His back to you, his right hand supporting his tall, lean frame on the edge of the bed. The man was bent over, scrambling to clean up the tray of suture equipment he just dropped all over the floor. He grunted and mumbled to himself, seeming to be in pain as he periodically reached up with his left hand to clutch his side. After several seconds of simply watching, you snapped out of it and coughed lightly. At this sound he shot up and spun to face you. Not wise. He doubled over, grasping his side hard with his right hand and stumbled a bit to his left where his hand was able to catch him. 

Raven hair in his eyes, silver and black helmet on the bed, splotched with red. Next to it, the long dark cape, torn and in tatters. Kylo Ren was a mess. And you’d be damned if you weren’t going to help him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up right where we left off, Y/N runs into someone late at night who really needs some help, Kylo Ren. They end up back at her place and figure out exactly what the risks are with their force bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few days but here's the next chapter! Just trying to figure out where I want all this to go at the moment. Very thankful for the positive responses and I hope everyone continues to enjoy the story!

Trying to collect his bearings, he looked over to you.

“Y/N, I-” before he could continue, his hand shot up to the back of his head, wincing. He started to lose his balance but hadn’t the chance to fall onto the bed, you quickly moved to his side, steadying him. In all honesty you were shocked his weight didn’t crush you completely.

“Yeah yeah, you were trying to snag some equipment to treat yourself without drawing too much attention. Think you could try making a _little_ more noise, Ren?” you joked. He was clearly not impressed.

“Don’t call me that.” He snapped. ‘Wow, okay, Kylo it is.’ You decided.

“You want to tell me what happened?” you asked as you lowered him onto the cot, sheets already bloody from the remains of the cloak he’d placed there. It seems he’d been using it to staunch the blood flow.

There was a series of laboured breaths before he gathered the strength to give you some form of an explanation.

“Mission. I didn’t sense them coming, came from behind.” Voice hoarse, he looked around warily, seemingly nervous someone was going to come around the corner and see him like this.

You decided that maybe the middle of the hospital wasn’t the best place to have this discussion, considering privacy and probably his ego. And to be completely honest, the cots didn’t provide the utmost comfort, _especially_ for someone of his size. You rationalized bringing him home as being the best option. You had enough supplies there, plus what he had tried to gather himself to treat the wounds.

“Alright well I’ll see what I can do. Would you prefer taking care of this in my bunker? It’s probably more comfortable and we can talk about this in private.”

He searched you, realizing you’d read him perfectly and nodded, looking away.

“Okay, let’s try to get you up,” treating him wouldn’t be that hard, it was the part about _getting_ him there that worried you. “One, two, three.” You lifted yourself off the bed under his shoulder. He stumbled at first but got his balance and the two of you made your way down the hall to your bunker, which was thankfully nearby.

Occasionally, you had to stop for him to catch his breath, he bent over in pain at the stabbing in his side. You had pieced together that this must have been the cause of your little episode earlier today. Same spot, same problem, same reaction. After watching him nearly black out a few times, accompanied by some dizziness he was so kind as to share with you, you helped him along and with one hand let the both of you into your small bunker.

Making your way over to the couch, shuffling slowly, you laid him gently on the cushions, careful not to aggravate the wound. From the closet where you searched materials to stitch up and bandage the wound, you heard grunts of pain coming from the other room.

When you arrived back in the room his eyes were shut. Not good. You rushed over, lightly shaking his shoulder and tapping his face to wake him. It was very likely he had a concussion, to what degree, you weren’t sure, and it seemed he had not heeded your words to try and stay awake.

After a few moments his eyes opened groggily, seriously pissed you woke him up. Groaning, he spoke to you at last.

“You shouldn’t be here.” He mumbled. You were confused at first, but then attributed his words to his concussion.

“What do you mean I ‘shouldn’t be here’? This is my bunker we’re in.”

“No I mean, you shouldn’t be near me. He’ll find out.”

“What? Who will find out? You’re not making any sense.” You questioned as you cut through his clothing to open up space to treat the wound.

“Supreme Leader. If he knows, you’ll get hurt. The closer we are, the stronger the bond is. He’ll know.”

As you dabbed at the wound to clean it and prepared the needle, you shook your head.

“Look, I’m going to need a little more information on who this Leader guy is. And what do you mean he’ll know about the bond? Is that what you call this thing?”

Kylo tensed and was clearly frustrated but lacked energy to continue explaining, he relaxed back into the cushions, depleted of any strength. He knew that you needed to be warned but this was not the ideal time to discuss this matter.

 A few minutes later, you were becoming impatient that he hadn’t answered the questions that were eating away at you. Before you could say anything, you felt a sharp pain in your forehead. The bastard was trying to get in your head… _again_. His existing injuries apparently didn’t seem to matter that much, because now he was just asking for a slap across the face.

“Let me in, I will explain.” He muttered, eyes closed, squeezed shut. You hesitated before letting him in, deciding figuring out what information he had outweighed personal comfort. He better not be lying.

You began to hear the formations of words in your mind, in his voice. You relaxed and opened yourself to him and as you did the words came together in a steady stream.

“He is my master. Very powerful and has sensed my inability to focus on the task at hand. Our close proximity makes the bond more evident to him, he will punish me and trace this back to you.”

You decided to try this little telepathy thing he had going on. If he could do it, why couldn’t you? You pushed and tried to concentrate but nothing really worked, you never felt more than very short spurts of energy at a time. You tried harder every time, pushing and pushing. You began to get frustrated that you couldn’t get the hang of this, you were stressed enough as it was and you’d never broken records for patience.

‘Okay, harder than I thought.’ You determined, mentally exhausted.

“Relax and focus, I hear you. Concentrate your thoughts. One word at a time, slowly.” You heard his voice respond in your mind. Despite the severe discomfort he was in, his voice carried patience with it, understanding. You smiled before collecting yourself and focused on what you sought to say next.

“So, this…leader. You…fear…find out. How…this bond…happen?” you managed to send out a few words, hoping he got the general idea.

“When individuals who have some form of unique significance to each other connect mentally, they are drawn together with their minds, through the Force. Thoughts, emotions, memories can meld into one at times.” He responded.

“The…Force?” you questioned. You had heard old folk tales about it but never believed it to be more than just that. A story told to children to fall asleep to at night.

“It binds everything in life together. The reason we are communicating right now is because of a force bond we have inexplicably developed. And now it threatens the Supreme Leader’s trust in me, along with your safety.”

“I see.” You sent back. Some things were starting to make sense but you couldn’t understand precisely why either of you would be punished for establishing something so _extraordinary_.

“Because it is forbidden in my progress at the ti-” He responded quickly, seeming to have heard you, but he had begun to cut out, his voice pulling away. You heard him mention ‘the Force’ before your eyes snapped open to see him clutching the back of his head. You shook yourself out of the haze of your subconscious conversation. You activated an ice pack and wrapped it before gently tilting up his head and placing it between him and the pillow, hoping to help relieve some of the pain. Definitely a concussion.

He was greatly weakened by whatever had happened to him on the mission, and you understood now why it was easier for him to simply send you his thoughts. Taking a few moments to catch his breath and relax, he removed his hand and looked over to you, eyes squinting.

“I must prove to Snoke that I am worthy to lead and he would see this connection as a distraction, a…weakness, for the time being. I cannot have that. That is why you shouldn’t have come.

“I understand, I suppose. But I hardly see how you would have been able to do much of anything like this. How did you expect treating yourself was going to turn out, hm?” you questioned.

“I-Thank you.” He whispered, probably not accustomed to getting help from others who were not obligated to do so, very often. You nodded as you returned to stitching up his side, you were able to finish relatively quickly, only hearing a few whimpers of pain but at least there was minimal shifting, for which you were grateful. You wrapped the bandage below his ribcage and wiped the sweat and blood off his forehead with a cloth as his breathing started to even back out.

You began to tidy up your supplies and kit, re-arranging everything properly when you felt the gentle graze of a hand on your forearm as he murmured your name. You looked down to it, a little surprised. You’d never pegged him as the touchy feely type, then glanced over your shoulder and turned to face him.

“You doing okay?” you asked softly. His eyes were closed, trying to shut out the light he was so sensitive to. He turned his head to your direction.

“Water…please.” He said quietly. Well, shockingly he hadn’t left his manners on the mission so you nodded and got up to grab a glass from the kitchen.

As you searched for a clean one in your cupboards, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander a little, summarizing what you just learned. So this Leader Snoke was the big cheese and Kylo trained under him. Kylo has some big thing to take care of, coming up soon, and Snoke hasn’t been all that happy with recent performances.

Kylo told you that the closer you were, the more energized and fluid the bond became and his master could sense it. Now, all this being relatively straightforward, as strange as that sounds, you were still lost at one concept. He had said that he would be punished by Snoke if the bond continued to pull his concentration away from the task at hand, this really seemed to frighten him.

But what seemed to also—for some particular reason—seriously concern him, was the fact that your safety would be compromised. You would be found out. And this really didn’t seem to make all that much sense to you, you were flattered he cared but for what reason?

You met one night, had some fun, met again later for an awkward turned passably sort of comfortable-ish discussion in a closet and had stare-downs. Other than that there was nothing that told you he should have built some form of caring. Being him, he didn’t look like the type to let his walls down that easily.

Kylo had other serious matters to tend to and responsibilities, so he had every right to be concerned about being punished for his lack of concentration, but considering the effects this would have on _you_? That’s what stumped you.

You shook yourself, realizing it probably shouldn’t have taken you that long to fill a glass of water. You poured some from the jug hurriedly and walked back to your chair beside the couch, placing the cool glass in his outstretched hand.

He took a few sips, thanking you. You hummed, nodding and taking your seat again. You looked over him, assessing exactly how thoroughly worn down he was, hoping that this super intense training he had going on would be able to take a few days’ hiatus.

As he finished the last couple sips of water, you took it from him and placed it on the table beside you.

“Kylo?” you asked, deciding you should probably at least let him know your thoughts on this situation.

“Mmhm?” he hummed back. ‘Okay still awake, good. Let’s keep it that way for a bit,’ you thought.

“Just from a medical standpoint, these injuries won’t heal in a day. I tried my best to treat your side and seal it but quick movements aren’t really wise. And that concussion, although mild, will need some time. I get that you have big things to take care of and get back to, and I really can’t stop you but I don’t want all this getting worse, all I can do is ask that you listen.” You finished softly. Every word you spoke was true and genuine, and you really hoped he would at least consider them.

He shifted slightly on the couch, wincing briefly before responding.

“I…do understand the severity, and I’m well aware of the consequences of being irrational,” he started. You were almost hopeful, except you felt a ‘but’ coming on. “However,” _there_ it was, “I cannot neglect my duties on this base to recover.” His voice was weary, it seemed like he wished he could just take some time and heal but knew that wasn’t an option.

You hesitated for a moment, not really looking forward to seeing him in the emergency wing in a couple of days because he had decided to launch more troopers into the wall and destroy consoles out of frustration.

“I know,” You said simply, “Do what you need to but…just don’t push it too hard. That’s all I ask.” You finished.

You looked over to him, his eyes already on you. You stayed like that for a few seconds, searching each other. Then, he looked down almost shamefully.

“I cannot be certain, Y/N. But, I will be cautious. You have my word.” He looked back up at you, he was sincere. You nodded, understanding how conflicted he must feel with all this.

The two of you remained in your spots, for the most part in silence. You fiddled with the hem of your shirt and your ponytail. Occasionally, you couldn’t help yourself,  you would steal the quickest of glances at him. In all honesty, he was quite handsome and all his features seemed to fit together beautifully. And it wasn’t often in your encounters you’d really had the chance to give him a good look. It was strange to you how somebody like him, with such authority and command, so much weight could look so oddly young, genuine and _human_ behind the mask.

The stress of today, which ended up being much longer than anticipated and thoroughly exhausting, started wearing on you. By about the tenth yawn in two minutes, you realized that waking up on time tomorrow would not be an easy feat.

Apparently you hadn’t been the only one stealing glances at the person across from them. You realized you’d zoned out, focusing on an apparently  _very_ interesting lamp on the other side of the room, before bringing yourself back at the sound of Kylo’s voice, rubbing your eyes.

“Y/N, you’re tired, please go get some rest. I’ll be fine.” You turned back to him, he certainly didn’t look it.

“I’m okay, I gotta stay and make sure you-well, be sure that nothing worsens.” You answered with another yawn. Surprise, surprise.

“I hardly see how you’ll be capable of that much longer the way you’re looking right now.” He answered, was that a little bit of concern?

“You’re one to talk.” You retorted. He wasn’t wrong, but you didn’t feel a hundred percent okay with just leaving him here alone or worse, allowing him to wander off and tear open his stitches, which wasn’t out of the question.

He gave you an almost pleading look, so you gave in, stretching your tired arms and rolling your eyes, headed to the washroom to get washed up. You came back with a bottle of painkillers to help with the pain, actually, the surprise ones that ended up on your desk a while back. Setting them down on the table, nudging him and drawing his attention to them.

“No more than two every six hours. No more.” You told him. These things worked perfectly fine, no need to wastefully vomit them up.

It took Kylo a second to tear his gaze away from the bottle but then looked back up at you, giving you a little nod.

“I’m going to bed, but please call for me if you need any help, I’m here. Don’t go trying anything crazy.” This wasn’t a joke, you weren’t entirely trusting he would be the most careful with the injuries, that’s not who he was. He hummed quietly in response, relaxing and drifting off.

You paused before turning to go to your bedroom, looking him over. How did something like this happen to someone like you? You didn’t just let any guy stay over on short notice, or on _any_ notice really. And now you had the commander of the ship battered and bruised chilling on your couch. How things change. You grabbed a blanket from the armchair across the room and placed it over him, silently hoping he wouldn’t wake up, notice and get all awkward and offended about it.

You padded to your bed, flicked off the light. You were out before your head hit the pillow.

The next morning you woke up, rubbing your eyes, feeling slightly better but not necessarily up for the long work day. You temporarily forgot about the events of last night until you saw a slip of paper on your kitchen table. You looked to the couch and saw the blanket had been folded and placed on the arm of the couch carefully and some of the stray bandages and wrappers you’d left out, thrown in the waste bin. ‘Of course he’s a neat freak,’ you laughed to yourself. The pills were gone. Good, meant he wasn’t being stupid and trying to power through it on his own. You picked up the slip of paper and your eyes read the lines written in the scrawled handwriting, in black ink.

_‘Y/N, I would like to thank you for your help last night. I was required to take my leave before I could tell you myself. I know you understand contact is a great risk, therefore I may not be able to communicate for some time. I ask you to trust my judgment on this._

_K.R.’_

You read the note several times over, before looking back at the couch. ‘I don’t know what I was expecting,’ you thought. You folded the note and placed it in your bedside drawer to keep safe and prepared yourself for the day.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody! So this is my first story I've uploaded here, the stories I've been reading here have been inspiring and led to writing one myself. Kylo Ren/Reader is my ultimate favourite so I figured why not give it a go! I hope to continue writing this and update regularly to it off the ground eventually. Fingers crossed that you enjoy :)  
> Also, my tumblr is spacedaddykyloren, I should be uploading chapters there as well :)


End file.
